When one believes all is lost and reaches that turning point in life, it’s only then that you realize how powerful hope really is.
My story is about me and my best friend. We talked and shared our lives, our worries, hopes, and dreams. Instantly, I felt a connection. I knew I had found someone special. There’s only one person I’ve ever opened up to about my whole life, and it was her.
She knew she was safe with me. She shared her abuses. I would run across town to be with her if she ever called, just to sit with her. At the time, she was 14, and I was 16. To be open with someone was unusual for me. Outside of my mom, there was only Tammie.
She became the one person I could talk to for hours. Our friendship was never sexual, even into our young adult years. She was someone I truly treasured and wished to be with. We agreed: if we weren’t married by 25, we’d marry each other.
But when I was 22, my actions caused the death of my friend Robert Barnett. I was sentenced to 15 years to life for murder.
In 1994, I arrived at California State Prison. Tammie was living in Huntington Beach. Every other weekend, she would visit me. We talked about marriage. Then in 1995, lifer visits were taken away.
The hurt I felt knowing I would never be with the one person I’ve loved more than anyone was devastating. And I lashed out. Hurt people hurt people. I was hurt and I projected that hurt onto others and myself.
I’ve spent the last 32 years incarcerated for murder. I’m now 54 years old, striving for freedom and overcoming every day. When one believes all is lost and reaches that turning point in life, it’s only then that you realize how powerful hope really is.
