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Kahniaha, 26

Kahniaha, 26

Stories

Meet Kahniaha…

“I don’t know if he’ll ever know how much he means to me, knowing he is waiting for me keeps me pushing forward.”

Kahniaha, 26 

Incarcerated: 2 years

Housed: Monmouth County Correctional Institution, Freehold, New Jersey 

My mother was 41 when she had my youngest brother, Damarian (I call him Pedro). I had graduated high school and was on my way to Morgan State University when I told her I would not be babysitting and changing diapers for her. I’m sure my mom was confused because my family considers me to be, “The Child Whisperer” since all the children love me and I always babysit. When he arrived six days before my birthday, I didn’t even hold him. When he was six months or so, I started to warm up to him. When he started using his walker, he would barge into my room or bang on my door. When he was about ten months old, I decided to experiment with him. I majored in psychology and I was taking a course on childhood development. Pedro just so happens to be the perfect age to test the theories. So when I moved back home, everyday before and after work I would spend an hour or two with Pedro, going over the contents of a big yellow container meant to teach young children. It had animal books with the sounds they make, colors, shapes, numbers and the alphabet. I was thoroughly impressed by how quickly he picked up on everything. Teaching him became the highlight of my days. Once he mastered the yellow container, I started to teach him the basics in Spanish. By the time he was two he knew animals, their sounds, his alphabet, numbers 1 -20, colors, shapes and body parts. He even knew everything in Spanish. When he went off to Pre-K, his teachers would always speak on how smart he was. I was so proud of him! I would take him everywhere with me and show him off as ‘my son.’ He’s now seven and I have been incarcerated for the past 21 months. I draw him pictures, talk to him on the phone and teach him the best I can through letters and visits. A couple of months ago he came to see me, I had him spelling words and doing math problems. The guard made an announcement that we had five minutes remaining. Pedro began to shut down. I asked him what was wrong. He told me he missed me. I told him I missed him too, and I started to cry. He then said, “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” I watched him fight his tears as the visit hall was being cleared. It broke my heart, but at the same time he gave me strength. I don’t know if he’ll ever know how much he means to me, knowing that he is waiting for me keeps me pushing forward. Pedro, 7, said, “It’s going to be okay.” And I, 26, believe him more than anything or anyone. It will be okay and we will get through this!

Tyrone, 53

Tyrone, 53

Stories

Meet Tyrone…

“I’m proud of myself. I thought this dream was impossible”

Tyrone, 53

Incarcerated: 30

Housed: San Quentin State Prison

I really didn’t want to do this speech, but I’m learning to get comfortable with my un-comfortability.

But this is something I have dreamt of my whole life; walking across the stage with my cap and gown on with a smile on my face, like the graduates you see on TV. My dream of graduation came to halt at the early age of 14, when I derailed from the path my grandparents wanted for me; to get my education and to stay out of trouble. 

They didn’t ask for much, but I chose to follow in the footsteps of my father and uncles. That led me to become a gang member, and caught up in that criminal life style which lead me in and out of juvenile hall, county camp and youth authority.

I never stayed out of trouble long enough to get my education on the streets but before I came to prison, my grandparents asked me to make them a promise: that I would finish school.

I told them I would get my diploma if I was giving the opportunity. I came to prison July 1993, my grandfather rest in peace, died the following year

That day, I made a promise to myself that I would change my life and become a better person and that my grandparents would be proud of me. When I came to SQ state prison in November 2010, they had so many programs here including education programs. I told myself, this was the time to start working on changing my life.

I enrolled myself in as many programs as I could; like CGA, NVC, RSJ, Anger Management, Victims Impact, 12 step ministry, boot camp 1,2,3 Christian programs and many more. By taking these programs, I was now able to accept full accountability for my actions and behavior and to become the person I should have been, and the person who is standing before you.

I was given the opportunity to complete my dream of graduation and fulfilling the promise I made to my grandparents. I was accepted in to the High school diploma program and was told that I needed 33 credits to graduate.

Not knowing how challenging it was going to be, but I had made that promise to my grandparents, I would finish school no matter how difficult it may be and it was difficult, especially Algebra, which I still have nightmares about.

I am just grateful I have so many amazing people believing in me when I did not believe in myself.

My grandmother Teddies was the biggest supporter and loved me unconditionally. She was very excited and proud of me for getting my diploma, I sent her invitations and she was excited to come to watch me walk across the stage.

Unfortunately, She passed, June 10, 2023. She was a remarkable woman, loving and caring, she put everyone else’s needs before her own. She was a woman of God and I know she is in a better place. Her last words to me were she was proud of me and she could not wait to see me walk across that stage. This diploma is for you grandma, thank you for your love

Graduates, we have done it through struggles, ups and downs, even through the pandemic- – and we never gave up.

We should be proud of ourselves. Because we have succeeded by completing high school.

I know I’m proud of myself.

I thought this dream was impossible

I want to acknowledge some teachers for motivating me and encouraging me and being instrumental in helping me succeed as a student and reach my dream.

My teacher Lucas who has push me to reach my full potential and gave me the space I needed.

she pushed me to be better than I was content with being, thank you for being patient with me.

Sufi who motivated me to be myself and not to be afraid to ask for help.

My pride kept me from asking for help, but I knew I had to let go of that pride, if I wanted to complete this program, so, Sufi, I thank you for pushing me to be better and to hold my head up. My free to succeed mentor Karen, THANK you for your encouragement and always willing to help me with my assignments and being here when I needed someone to talk to. I thank you for your guidance.

I thank these amazing teachers for believing in us and pushing us to see our true potential

Getting comfortable with being un-*comfortable is a real form of growth and I thank everyone here in this chapel for showing up and witnessing our growth and determination to do better and be better.

 

Thank you and God bless you all

 

Scott, 43

Stories

Meet Scott…

“I am a soldier in God’s Army and a strong prayer warrior.” 

Scott, 43

Incarcerated: 7 years

Housed: Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, California

My family are very strong supporters of St. Jude Research. I lost three family members to cancer and believe that no one should lose anybody to cancer. I am a soldier in God’s Army and a strong prayer warrior. My family has a strong history of serving in the military and one of my favorite memories is when my dad shared our family’s story with St. Jude Radio. This is what he shared, “On May 17, 1974 my son was born and I left for my tour to West Pac in July. When we reached Pearl Harbor I received a message that my son had cancer. He lived to be nine months and 18 days old. The day of his death he looked up at me, then his grandma, then his mom, then up to the ceiling, then back at his mom, waved bye-bye, then back up to the ceiling to say- I’m ready to die. In October of 1989, my wife was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma and in June of 1992 she died. At her service I sang the song, “Remind Me Dear Lord.”

My mom was a loving, caring woman and she spent the last six months of her life helping my elementary school with anything they needed.  

Sirrel, 39

Sirrel, 39

Stories

Sirrel

Meet Sirrel…

“I felt the weight of sin and the death that lies in this body.”

Sirrel, 39

Incarcerated: 9 years

Housed: San Quentin State Prison

These are true events that have taken place in my life. When I was arrested, I was teased until my kidneys failed. At this point, I felt my soul leave my body and thought I was going to hell. All I was able to do was say, “Jesus forgive me.” At that point, I woke up in the ambulance for a brief second and then I passed out again. Now I’m in prison and I hear chatter on the tier about this book called, “Heaven is For Real”. Before I read the book, I was discrediting the kid’s story until I had an outer-body experience. In 2015, I was meditating and reading Corinthians 12:1-7, where Paul was talking about an outer-body experience. Things only happened back then. At this point, I was feeling unworthy of God’s love and forgiveness. Then I was asleep and out of my body; I was in “Heaven”. I couldn’t see the children but I could hear their laughter. I had seen a table with a beautiful tablecloth, a reef, and God was saying that I was welcome to come home. And then I woke up. I felt the weight of sin and the death that lies in this body. When I was in heaven, I felt so secure, so loved, and without a worry in the world. So I cried out to my spirit, “Why? Why must I come back?” 

These were the two messages: Never discredit someone’s story when you don’t know what has transpired in their life. And God said, “I send no one to hell, people choose hell by rejecting Jesus.”

I have been to Heaven, 

I had an outer-body experience, and I didn’t want to come back to this world! 

 

Michael, 44

Michael, 44

Stories

Michael

Meet Michael…

“I was a troubled kid and had experienced too much hurt and seen too many disappointments to give or receive love properly. Once I really found love, it would eventually lead to my incarceration.”

Michael, 44

Incarcerated: 23 years

Housed: Sing Sing Correctional Facility, Ossining, New York

I ended up meeting a woman who was willing to let me live with her, under one condition; that I break up with Rose. Looking back now, I know the smartest thing to have done, would’ve been to tell Rose the truth of my plan rather than have her really believe I was breaking up with her. Especially when I had already proposed to her. Thinking back now, I’m really seeing how stupid and idiotic my plan was. Especially with someone like Rose. I was far from being a man back then, so I ended up going with my foolish plan and all hell broke loose. Events led to me being jumped by Rose, her mom and Rose’s step-sister; and even then I did not hit anyone. Rose was now 4 months pregnant at the time. When I tried to leave the scene, Rose grabbed me and wouldn’t let go, nor would anyone help me get her off me. Everyone just watched, friends, neighbors, everybody. I just wanted to leave, because I knew the cops were already out looking for me because of the fight Rose and I had earlier at her mom’s house. Rose had destroyed the woman’s car that I had driven over there, and I threw a car-jack through her house window in return. It was pure chaos earlier that day, but now all I wanted to do was get Rose to let me go without hurting her or the baby. I thought if I pointed my gun at her it would scare her into letting me go. That didn’t work. It just made her madder, and she started pushing and pulling on me. All I heard was the gun go off. I couldn’t believe it as I watched her body collapse in front of me. It was only when I got away from the crowd that I cried like I did the night I nipped her on the chin. I call this story “Unspoken Love”, because I never told Rose I loved her. This is a pain I have carried for a long time. If I had just been honest with her about my reason for needing to pretend that I broke up with her, if only I had told her how much I loved her. If only I could go back in time. If’s- have become the eternal burden I carry. Three lives were lost that day though the world only counted two. Rose, my son, and me.

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