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Arsenio, 60

Stories

Meet Arsenio…

I looked for God in several religious groups but never found Him. So, I cowardly evaded justice by running to Mexico after committing my last crime in 1993.

Arsenio, 61
Incarcerated: 9 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, San Quentin, California

My life’s greatest tragedy

I received my spiritual awakening by accident. I was soul searching because I felt the need to understand why I committed my life crime back in 1990, so I tried something I never tried before and that was to look for God. Every day I was feeling guilt and shame because I could not understand where my destructive behavior was coming from. I looked for God in several religious groups but never found Him. So, I cowardly evaded justice by running to Mexico after committing my last crime in 1993. After a couple months there, I got into a physical altercation because of my Spanglish accent. I was about to move on to another state due to the violent experience I had.

A young friend of mine visiting his family in Mexico  invited me to have dinner with his aunt and grandmother just before I was to depart on my trip. After dinner while helping his aunt pick up the dinner table, she asked what my plans were in life. I responded to move on to another state. She then said there is no need to move away, the person I had the altercation with was her brother, and that he would not look for revenge. She then stated that maybe I needed God in my life. That was a special sign for me. She then invited me to a Christian congregation meeting that weekend.

I attended the Christian meeting and I was so, so happy I did! I was completely devastated emotionally due to all the hurt I had left behind in the states. I was moved by all the Christian love I felt from the brothers. I thought I was in another world. I found out after the meeting that all these loving people were Jehovah’s Witnesses. I am very grateful with our Creator Jehovah God and His son Jesus Christ. Due to His loving organization, support from the brothers, the biblical truth I learned and the Holy Spirit, I never committed a crime ever again. I also was able to let go of all the anger, resentment and low self- esteem I had lived with for so many years. I was baptized as a Jehovah Witness on February 1st, 1996. My young friend’s aunt became my wife three years after I met her. We raised three beautiful children together.

After being on the run for more than twenty years, I was arrested for my crimes pending in the U.S. I am happily paying my debt to society. I am making daily living amends and being of service to my community here at San Quentin Prison. This is the only way to give honor to all my victims, and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life…

Michael, 57

Michael, 57

Stories

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Meet Michael…

The car flipped three times. Shawnee asked, “Are you girls ok?” Mika said, “Sami’s not here.” They had to search for her in the dark.

Michael, 57
Incarcerated: 25 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, San Quentin, California

I had a visit from my ex, Shawnee. She brought my kids Mika, 14, Sami, 7 and Stone, 4. Sami jumped into my lap and said, “Daddy, brush my hair, ” she loved me brushing her hair. It was crackling with static from the constant brushing. After the visit, they said they’d be back the next day. The next morning I was awakened, cuffed up and escorted to the program office. Once inside, I sat down. No one said a word. Next, Shawnee was on speaker phone, “I’m sorry, I killed our baby.” My mind refused to comprehend what I’d just heard. A month later, Shawnee came to see me without the kids, she’d brought pictures from the accident that had claimed Sami’s life. In one of the pictures, Shawnee was on her knees looking at her bloody, upturned hands. She told me Sami took her final breath in Shawnee’s arms, next to her, lying in the dirt was my sweet girl Sami. Her soft perfect stomach was ripped open, she had sticks and dirt in her hair. Sami loved me unconditionally, and now she’s gone. They were hurrying home so they could return the next day because Sami was insistent that she wanted to, “See my Daddy.”

Shawnee told me she was driving fast and her phone rang. When she reached for the phone, she heard gravel. She was going off the freeway at 70 mph. Sami had a terrible habit when sleepy, of removing her seat belt. The car flipped three times. Shawnee asked, “Are you girls ok?” Mika said, “Sami’s not here.” They had to search for her in the dark. They’d found her wrecked little body gasping for breath, dirt in her open eyes, and sticks in the beautiful hair I’d just brushed. I was so devastated, I wanted to hurt who’d hurt me! I cut Shawnee to the core with the most vile shameful thing. I was so wrong. Shawnee was no less broken. I’d seen a hurt I’d never seen before. Shawnee died three years later. She died in her sleep from a broken heart. Shawnee was 67 lbs when she passed. Hopefully my story will help someone else in their healing process.

Kyaleah, 26

Kyaleah, 26

Stories

Meet Kyaleah…

This experience has given me an entirely renewed outlook. The pessimistic person I once was, has been destroyed a thousand times over.

Kyaleah, 26
Incarcerated: 10 years
Housed: Cummins Unit, Arkansas Department of Corrections, Grady, Arkansas

Since the age of five I’d been highly educated in lying, cheating, stealing, and violations of various degrees. As a child my mother would always tell me and my only flesh and blood brother, Jamarco, that she couldn’t save us when we went to the pen. She told me this for over sixteen years. My brother, Jamarco overdosed last year, he was 21. I’ve met many people that’ve made me want to lead a better life. I’ve met many more people that have assisted me in developing traits that have exposed me to failure. After a decade in prison, I’ve faced dilemmas that have forced me to properly communicate and redirect my intentions. Now the majority of my motives are good and instead of a lying tongue and a cursed language, I produce convincing truths. I am proficient in the language of love.

This experience has given me an entirely renewed outlook. The pessimistic person I once was, has been destroyed a thousand times over. I have to be diligently active in my disciplines for renewal to give me unrestricted access to public authority. I possess the gift of discernment, bestowed on me by the Architect of the Universe and his Council, being able to withdraw some of the most precious resources from the most horrendous embodiments on this planet and beyond. I stand as a carefully developing human being, constantly renewing. I’m not just positive actions, but an eternal work that’s never finished. I’ve learned we aren’t products of time, but producers of time and like time we should be constant in change. Being able to adapt to infinite climates, for this invites inevitable attainments. 

Lyle, 45

Stories

Meet Lyle…

Within a few months the classes on death row were eliminated. The rehabilitative ideal was purged. Central Prison became an increasingly violent place.

Lyle, 45
Incarcerated: 26 years
Housed: Death Row Central Prison, North Carolina Department of Corrections, Buncombe

We received a new warden. His predecessor was supportive of programs and even allowed psychotherapeutic classes on death row. We had just finished our last performance of 12 Angry Men, not the sort of activity one expects a group of condemned prisoners to be engaged in, but North Carolina’s death row is a congregate confinement unit. We are not locked down in our cells, instead moving around the block much like general population prisoners. The new warden wanted none of it. Ordinarily, shaking hands with guards or prison officials is forbidden. It can mean solitary confinement for the prisoner and firing for staff. There are very few exceptions. There is also the taboo amongst prisoners that you don’t fraternize with staff. Our last warden who allowed programs on death row, who infused the prison with the rehabilitative ideal, was an exception. He shook everyone’s hand, looked them in the eye, and treated every person as an equal. A human. I walked over and stuck my hand out, the warden shook it, thanked me for participating in the play, and wished me luck on my appeals. Feeling the moment, I turned to his replacement with my hand out and said I hoped the classes were something he supported. He looked at my hand. Then at me. Then at the new unit manager, a guard who climbed the ranks to make management and who had said he wanted to see sentences carried out. “We’ll see about that,” said the new warden. And so we did.

Within a few months the classes on death row were eliminated. The rehabilitative ideal was purged. Central Prison became an increasingly violent place. We look back on that time when we had classes and performed in plays with a sense of nostalgia. For a while, at least one warden remembered we are human.

Taki, 45

Taki, 45

Stories

Meet Taki…

I am struggling to receive love because it falls way short of what defines love for me. This is where hard work and growth meet.

Taki, 45
Incarcerated: 28 years
Housed: Stateville Correctional Center, Joliet, Illinois

I have learned alot about love. I have learned it is an action word. I can’t just say that I love you, I have to show you! Love is unconditional. Even if you can’t have a relationship with someone, you can still love them. It is selfless, pure, kind, honest and true. I have been sharing this insight with my brothers and family, and I thought I could share this here and really be impactful. For the incarcerated, we find it very difficult to believe people when they say that they love us, when their actions don’t match what we believe love looks like. This stresses us out and can cause us to ruin relationships we should cherish. The lesson I learned is this: Everyone’s life circumstances and experiences have shaped us, and ultimately help to formulate how we view love. It is not that people we deal with do not love us, they just do not understand love as we do, because we’ve had different experiences and concepts of what love is!

For those of us incarcerated, especially those of us who have been gone for a long time, we appreciate things on a much more intensive level than most human beings. Our deprivation of not having the things that we want so much causes us to hold, treasure, value, and love things on a much deeper level than the average human being. Our love is intense. To hold people who haven’t been shaped by the same experiences as us, to our standards of love, isn’t fair to them, or to ourselves. We have to learn how to love and be loved from the place in which that love resides. I am struggling to receive love because it falls way short of what defines love for me. This is where hard work and growth meet. Now I have to do the necessary work so I can get to a place of peace. Sharing with you has already helped me through my personal revelation, thank you.

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