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Todd, 36

Todd, 36

Stories

Meet Todd…

It is unnatural to me for a parent to outlive his child. Facing this harsh reality while incarcerated forced me to deal with it head-on.

Todd, 36
Incarcerated: 16 years
Housed: Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, CA

How do you mend a broken heart? This is a question that burns through the forefront of my mind. Everyday, I’m faced with the reality of unnatural loss. There was one event in my life that was the most unnatural, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t make this situation make any sense. I’m an alcohol and drug counselor, a college graduate with a bachelor’s degree, a son, a brother, a mentor, and friend, but the title I enjoyed the most was father. I became so accomplished in prison because I wanted to show my son that he should never give up no matter the circumstances. My son was my identity in here, and he was my motivation.

My dear son recently passed away at the age of 1, and my life was flipped upside down. Suddenly I had to figure out why I do what it is I do. All the while though, my brain still can’t compute the passing of my son. It is unnatural to me for a parent to outlive his child. Facing this harsh reality while incarcerated forced me to deal with it head-on. I had to reassess my focus and drive. Instead of just being a positive example for my son, every young man I know took his place. I want to eventually get my master’s degree in social work, then become a licensed clinical social worker, so I’ll be able to help other young men, like my son, who were impacted by having fathers, who are serving long sentences in prison.

That’s where I’m at now. Thanks for checking me out, this is just a small glimpse into my life. I just want to be of service and help people. Please feel free to respond. I’d like to end by telling everyone, “Keep pushing because it is going to get better, and you never know who you might inspire.” Thank you!

Moonshadow, 43

Moonshadow, 43

Stories

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Meet Moonshadow…

That day taught me three things. It really is the thought that counts. Always be creative. A simple act of love and caring can bring a smile to another person.

Moonshadow, 43
Incarcerated: 26 years
Housed: Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, CA

I remember it being a hot summer day when my grandmother, my mom, and I were driving home from the store. I was around six and full of energy. That all changed when a tow-truck hit us from behind when we stopped at a light. My mother was hospitalized and I was placed in the care of my grandparents. That began six months of hell as I was forced to eat off of and sleep on the floor like a dog. I wasn’t even allowed hot water. The only thing that kept me sane was the thought of being back with my mom. Finally, my mom was allowed weekend visits with me. One particular weekend it was her birthday and I wanted to do something special for her. She always told me, “You’re not allowed to use the stove, no matter what.” So, I decided to get creative. I cracked some eggs, opened some hash browns and bacon, and poured a glass of orange juice. I covered it all up and ran to get my mom. To her surprise, she walked into the kitchen and there was a tablecloth on the floor. She lifted it up to find raw cracked eggs, raw bacon, and raw hash browns and a glass of orange juice on the floor. I didn’t even use a plate. “Happy Birthday Mom! I didn’t use the stove.” She looked back and forth between the mess and me. I really thought that she was going to be mad. She just shook her head and smiled. She gave me the biggest hug and told me that she loved me. That day taught me three things. It really is the thought that counts. Always be creative. A simple act of love and caring can bring a smile to another person. I carry this with me every day in life with the hope of bringing a smile to everyone that I meet. Rest in peace Mom… I love you too.

Alexander, 26

Alexander, 26

Stories

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Meet Alexander…

A friend is someone you can count on. Someone you share your thoughts with.

Alexander, 26
Incarcerated: 4 years
Housed: Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, CA

What is friendship and love?
Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.
A friend is someone you can count on.
Someone you share your thoughts with.
Having a caring and loving relationship can last a lifetime.
Time is something you can never get back.
It’s priceless.
What is love?
Love is unconditional.
Love allows you to be vulnerable with another human being.
Love is being comfortable and safe.
Some people spend their lifetime
trying to find it in materialistic things,
but the thing is
it comes from within.
It comes from the soul.
Being in prison makes me feel alone.
At the same time
I stay motivated knowing one day
I’ll be free.

Shawn, 46

Stories

Meet Shawn…

I’ve been known As “R227**” staff and prison officials only see me as a number.

Shawn, 46
Incarcerated: 18 years
Housed: Stateville Correctional Center, Joliet, IL

I’ve been known as “R227**” staff and prison officials only see me as a number. Even though I have changed my life around completely, they still see the person that I once was. Instead of looking at me for the man that I am today, they see the uniform I wear, and the reason why I’m wearing it. I’ve never had anyone see me for who I am until I met this lady named Jennifer Lackey. She is a philosophy professor from Northwestern University and founding director of the Northwestern Prison Education program” it offers bachelor degrees to incarcerated individuals. She welcomed me into the college community. It sees incarcerated people for more than just the uniform we wear. She treated me with dignity and respect. Someone worthy of deserving it. For the first time in a long time, someone saw me for who I really am. She accepted me into the college program, giving me the chance to earn a Northwestern Bachelor’s Degree. I’m thankful for professor Lackey, she restored my faith in people. She’s also giving me a renewed purpose in life, And I can never thank her enough.

Shane, 44

Shane, 44

Stories

Meet Shane…

As my teacher, the Buddha once said, ‘One may conquer a million men in a single battle; however, the greatest and best warrior conquers himself.’

Shane, 44
Incarcerated: 15 years
Housed: South Dakota State Penitentiary, Sioux Falls, SD

I went to the old chapel to facilitate the Buddhist group. I have been the leader since 2015 and continue to enjoy facilitating it. It was around 6:30pm and I began to set up for the service. I took out the TV, put in meditation music, lit incense, and draped a tapestry of the Buddha over the TV. I waited and was wondering where everyone was. A person came down and said he heard that starting today, there were not going to be any religious or other activities after five pm because the prison is so short-staffed. Five minutes later, four other people showed up. They told me they came directly from the chow hall because everything is running late. I got some Dhammapada books out and we began to read and discuss the wisdom from the Buddha. At about that time a white shirt, Officer-In-Charge opened the door and told us there are no religious activities after all. So now we only have one Buddhist group service instead of two. The other religious groups have also had their services reduced because of the staff shortages. I hope the prison can hire more prison staff so that we can get our normal religious services back. As my teacher, the Buddha once said, “One may conquer a million men in a single battle; however, the greatest and best warrior conquers himself.”

Michael, 41

Michael, 41

Stories

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Meet Michael…

My name is Michael, I breathe air and I am not a monster. Thank you for giving me a face, a voice, and for seeing me as a person.

Michael, 41
Incarcerated: 23 years
Housed: Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, CA

Growing up in a poor household I can remember being different, sounding different, and feeling like I didn’t fit in. I came to learn I had a learning disability and stuttered. I felt less than, devalued and worthless. I was made fun of in my household, and with my classmates which reinforced my bad feelings about myself. I could not read, nor learn as the teachers wanted me to, so I acted out and became the bully, so I would not be bullied.

I began to use drugs to cover up my feelings of worthlessness, insecurities, and inadequance. My addiction progressed from pot, alcohol, to mushrooms then acid. By 15, I had been in juvenile hall and a boys ranch numerous times until I committed my life crime at 18. I was an out of control, extremely calloused and violent young man. While incarcerated from a young age with an extreme sentence, I continued my dysfunction in a maximum security prison. I had deflections and an aggressive attitude.

Ten years into my sentence I was stabbed eight times and removed from the yard for surrendering my life to my faith of Jesus Christ. I was shipped to another prison with more programs, self-help groups, and education. My mother passed away from her addiction, my life was in shambles, but I had my faith. I leaned on my support and coped in a healthy way. It was my first test in recovery and I passed. My job wanted me to get a high school diploma, and I barely knew how to read.

I was transferred to a new prison and met Ms. Drake, who saw potential in me. “I’ll hire you as a clerk, if you give me your word you’ll get your diploma.” This was the first time in years someone believed in me. I agreed. She helped me, gave me reading materials, taught me math, and assigned me a tutor. I poured all my time and energy into studying. I passed my test. Ms. Drake was proud of me and so was I. She said, “off to college now”.

One day a student rushed into the education department wanting to stab Ms. Drake. I intervened and placed myself in between them and deescalated the situation by using calm words and listening to his frustration, while protecting her. The officers came and took him away. I had protected another human being. I got a life saving certificate which could take time off my sentence or help in my parole board hearing.

My life began to get some normality. I continued my education, and my ministry and I started facilitating self-help groups. I will graduate in 2024 from Fresno State University with a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Studies. Today I live my life as a memorial to my victims. My life is for service and giving back to my gated community. I hope and teach that one less crime equals one less victim. I honor God by living a sober life that praises Him with my words, actions, and service. I am a human that is kind, respectable, calm, loving, caring, and compassionate.

My name is Michael, I breathe air and I am not a monster. Thank you for giving me a face, a voice, and for seeing me as a person. God bless you.

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