Shawnda, 43

Shawnda, 43

Meet Shawnda…

I became addicted because it made me comfortable in my own skin.

Shawnda, 43
Incarcerated: 2 years
Housed: Wyoming Women’s Center, Lusk
It didn’t help that my mother died when I was 10, she was shot by my step dad, then he shot himself. I saw the aftermath and it traumatized me for life. I grew up institutionalized, in group homes, juvenile detention centers and foster homes. I never belonged anywhere. I was shown how to alter my mind with many different chemicals. I became addicted because it made me comfortable in my own skin. I had my first baby at 17, and still knew nothing about God. The moment I realized there was a God, I was fasting with the Arapaho people and a pipe. My son’s father prepared me and told me to “pray through that pipe.” For three days I fasted and prayed. I thought “Why can’t I just pray to God myself, why do I have to go through the pipe?” That night it was raining, and I got rained on in that teepee. I remember covering my head and crying. I asked God why I was raised so poor, and to help me get ahead for the sake of my kids. Then lightning struck right outside my teepee. My vow was fulfilled. I got a nice apartment and my children their home, but I messed it up with alcohol. I was the driver of the car wreck where my two babies passed away. I passed out at the wheel under the influence and in the heat. I went to prison. Then their father tragically overdosed and died. I got out of prison, tried to go to college, built a family, and lived a straight life. Yet again, I allowed alcohol to destroy everything. No one ever says: when you give your life to Christ it’s going to be easy, but why has it been such a rollercoaster for me? I’m so tired of the ups and downs. I’m doing a 15 year sentence for aggravated robbery under the influence. I violated rich peoples’ homes because I was envious. I stole a vehicle with a gun and jewelry in a bag. Getting money to shoot up dope was all that was on my mind. The family I made is very unforgiving to me, it breaks my heart everyday and it’s been two years. I know He’s a forgiving God. The question is: will I ever forgive myself?

Ronald, 48

Ronald, 48

Meet Ronald…

No matter how others may look down upon me because of my mistakes that put me in prison, they can never take this memory away from me. Trophies and medals become old and tarnished but love never loses its shine!

Ronald, 48
Incarcerated: 3 years

Taking care of my daughter Faith, who was born two months early, is my greatest accomplishment. She weighed less than three pounds and had meth in her system causing her even more complications. She was hooked up to hoses and wires, too many to count. I’ve always considered myself a pretty tough guy, but I cried like a baby at the sight of my daughter. She was so tiny and frail looking. Every breath was a struggle. With every visit I was expected to take on more duties. Feeding, bathing, diaper changes, and most important, I had to learn about machines that monitored her breathing and heart rate. It wasn’t any of those things that were a challenge. Not even learning CPR. It was stimulating her to eat no less than three ounces of formula every three hours. About two weeks into learning all these things, a light went off in my head. Faith would get extremely pissed when I changed her diaper. She fussed like mad when I used cold wipes to clean her up. So, I’d change her first thing instead of after her feeding and she’d eat like a little piggy. I can’t remember how many of the different nurses stood by to watch me begin what felt like the absolute scariest journey I would ever take. They each gave me a hug as I walked out the door. They actually clapped for me like I had won a medal or trophy in some sporting event. Things weren’t any less stressful, but she was eating what was required and going one and two on the regular. At home, the scariest part of it all is that no one would come to help me due to the fear that Faith might not make it. Looking back at this trying time in my life gives me such appreciation for the help I got along the way. I can’t give you the percentage of  the good and bad I’ve done in this lifetime, but without a doubt, if I’m ever having a bad day, I remind myself of this moment I am so graciously proud of and thankful to have had the strength to overcome the greatest feat of my life. No matter how others may look down upon me because of my mistakes that put me in prison they can never take this memory away from me. Trophies and medals become old and tarnished but love never loses its shine!

Pedro, 32

Meet Pedro…

You can choose to learn in here or not. In the beginning I chose not to care, but as I got older and saw what prison was becoming, I started seeing the light. Not only for my sanity, but for my family and my daughter.

Pedro, 32
Incarcerated: 5 years
Housed: Washington Corrections Center, Shelton

I grew up in a violent environment with gangs. My life started going downhill at 18 when I lost my brother to gang violence. My story starts there. My life was ok until I saw my little brother pass. It cost me who I was and my mind for a little. I can say prison saved my life. I’ve been in and out. I almost got 25 to life for what I was charged with. It changed my mindset. You can choose to learn in here or not. In the beginning I chose not to care, but as I got older and saw what prison was becoming, I started seeing the light. Not only for my sanity, but for my family and my daughter. 

What is one thing you want to change about yourself? 

To stop feeling sorry for myself. That’s the main problem some of us have. Once we let that go, life comes to us with blessings. I have learned these things by having good brothers in my Native Circle. This prison term was my blessing. I was saved and I found who I am 🙂 

Do you talk to your family?

I do talk to my family all the time. I’m very family oriented. 

What do I miss about the outside? I miss the river and sledding in the snow. 

What do you dream about?

I’ve always had the thought of a two story house white fence 🙂 

What gets you through every day? 

Thinking about my lil girl 🙂 

What would your family be surprised to know about you?

How much I’ve changed from a young runt into a grown man and how I’ve learned to love myself and others.

I hope my letter will help someone in my shoes. God bless.

Jocelyn, 32

Jocelyn, 32

Meet Jocelyn…

I look forward to making a name for myself as an African American transgender artist.

Jocelyn, 32
Incarcerated: 9 months
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, CA

At 14 I knew I was different. I didn’t know what transgender was. I dreamt of  myself as an older female. My family was religious and being transgender was strictly forbidden. Finding the courage within myself to fight for my truth, I decided to take a stand and distance myself from my family in order to communicate my seriousness. After a year and a half, I called my mom and dad, they were over the moon to hear from me. They said, “Come as you are, we love you.” Today, I recognize when I transitioned, my family also made a transition. Everyone’s journey is their own and I choose to make mine special. I enjoy music, cosmetology and traveling. I am originally from North Carolina and have lived in New York City and Florida. Living in California has really tested what I am made of. My favorite tattoo is my compass and the feather transforming into a bird. I look forward to making a name for myself as an African American transgender artist.

Sarah, 39

Sarah, 39

Meet Sarah…

I believe that sometimes it takes a true friend to show us that we are special and even behind walls we deserve to be happy and loved.

Sarah, 39
Incarcerated: 7 years
Housed: Montana Women’s Prison, Billings

I have learned a lot about myself during my incarceration. I am very co-dependent and have found myself in bad unhealthy relationships. I was in the middle of a bad relationship when I got moved to a new unit and got new roommates. One of my roommates is a very kind and gentle lady. I have come to see her as a prison mom. I felt very comfortable just being able to talk to her. Over the year that I have been her roommate, she has shown me I am truly a smart and beautiful person. Even though I have made mistakes, I deserve to be loved and accepted. I am a very kind hearted and loving person and many people take advantage of that. In the last few months I have been able to break free of my unhealthy relationship and know I am only “single” and not “alone.” I believe sometimes it takes a true friend to show us we are special and even behind walls we deserve to be happy and loved. I am so thankful for friends I never would have met, if I wasn’t here. They have helped me change for the better.

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