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Arnoldo, 43

Arnoldo, 43

Stories

Meet Arnoldo…

I wanted to create something so pleasurable that I could offer and intrigue God Almighty in His majestic throne made of sterling gold.

Arnoldo, 43
Incarcerated: 17 years
Housed: Correctional Training Facility, Soledad, California

Click here to watch our team create Arnoldo’s recipe.

Crazy Choco Locos Cookie Wheels

I wanted to create something so pleasurable that I could offer and intrigue God Almighty in His majestic throne made of sterling gold. I had to start the melodious and passionate music of Gabriela Boccelli on my old shoddy Jwin stereo (click). 

I tear open (shred) a rack of mouth watering Oreo cookies.

I extract the sweet and mushy icing from each cookie with a spoon and place the icing in an empty white rice bag. 

I threw the wafers (fling fling fling) in a large plastic bag, which I purchased for 45¢ Ramen soup from a building porter. I smash (crunch crunch crunch) the cookie wafers in the bulgy bag. I beat them to a pulp with my fist and palm (thud thud thud) with a king-size almond Hershey’s bar. I hurled (fling) it into the large bag. A delicious and dismembered iced Honey Bun goes into the bag as well. Here I am adding a shot of delightful Taster’s Choice coffee. *Mmm, que rico. The aroma radiating from the bag is gratifying the heavens. Before I plunge the bag of cream icing into the hot water in the hotpot, I add a small amount of margarine so the icing can soften and be pliable. I cast two syrup packets (plunge plunge) we get with lackluster pancakes on Friday mornings into the hot water. After the syrups dance stupendously in the simmering water, I cautiously take them out with my fingers (ouch ouch) and open the syrups with an extracted razor blade (I made sure I discard the blade before the tribunal court adds more time to my 297 year sentence). I’m kindly drizzling them over the exquisite blend of crumbled Oreo wafers, Hershey’s bar, Iced Honey Bun and Taster’s Choice coffee. *Ay, mi precioso Jesus! A delicious aroma is permeating the cell. Now I have to block my outstretched narrow door window because there’s singing emulation, joyous prancing, vibrant music and a sweet aroma in my cell: someone could beg for a cookie! I mix the batch by thoroughly kneading and molding it into a husky ball that looks like a chocolaty sleek dough. I hope everyone enjoys the catchy name I made up for my cookie… Crazy Choco Loco! With my right hand I’m extracting a small size ball from the dough and tailor five thick cookies by spinning them and using my fingers (squeak squeak squeak) until they are perfectly formed. I take out the liquefied icing from the red hot water in the hot pot (boil boil steam). With a spoon I’m stirring (whip whip whip) the sweet fragrant icing in the bag. I spread with glee, the scolding butter cream on top of the cookies; a sweet steamy aroma is now dancing in my velvety nose.  Let’s rip open a bag of M and M’s and put them on top of the dark chocolaty cookies before the icing cools. Pardon me for my lower right lip is exuberantly quivering. We are finally finished with the process of making my phenomenal, delicious and colorful Crazy Choco Locos (angelic choir). One cookie is for me; one cookie for my cellmate; one is for the building officer whom I will give secretly; and one cookie for each  mountain. I can see the two awake mountains with their radiant crowns eagerly peering through my cell window!

 

Crazy Choco Locos Cookie Wheels

Editor’s notes:
Be sure to use an iced Honey Bun, NOT glazed.

Makes 12 cookies

Ingredients
12 Oreo cookies
1 Tbsp butter
4 Tbsp maple syrup
2.6-oz king-size Hershey’s Chocolate with Almonds, broken into small pieces
1 4.75-oz package iced Honey Bun
1.5 tsp brewed coffee
1 1.75-oz package M&M Plain or Peanut Candy

Instructions
Separate the Oreo filling from the cookies and place the filling in a small bowl.
Crush the cookies thoroughly by placing them in a storage bag and pounding with a heavy pan, rolling pin or meat pounder.

Remove the icing from the Honey Bun and set aside in a small bowl. Tear the pastry into small pieces. In a medium bowl, combine the crushed cookies, the chocolate pieces, Honey Bun pieces, and coffee. Divide the dough into five sections and form into ½”- thick circles on a baking sheet.

Cook the cookie filling in the saucepan along with the butter and maple syrup
over low heat for about two minutes, until the icing is soft and pliable, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and add the reserved Honey Bun icing. Mix until smooth.

Divide the warm icing evenly between the cookies, spreading evenly to cover the entire surface of the cookie. Top with M&M Candies.

Erik, 52

Stories

Meet Erik…

Even though I considered myself a cis-gender male, I helped many members of the LGBTQ+ community gain acceptance and understanding from other inmates that, quite often, embraced preconceived bias toward the LGBTQ+ community.

Erik, 52
Incarcerated: 7 years
Housed: Chuckawalla Valley State Prison, Blythe, California

In the three years I spent fighting my case, I was the Head Trustee in the county jail dorm where I was housed. I was always doing my best for my fellow inmates and the jail staff alike, always letting my Hasidic beliefs guide me. Whenever a dispute arose, I would do all I could to bring the various sides together and help resolve differences. Through my actions, I gained respect, regardless of race, gender identity or creed. Even though I considered myself a cis-gender male, I helped many members of the LGBTQ+ community gain acceptance and understanding from other inmates that, quite often, embraced preconceived bias toward the LGBTQ+ community. One of my most profound interventions was when two inmates were preparing to fight. I brought the various groups rallying around their friends together and made a statement I know they will never forget, “You should settle this like men.” They took it as I imagined they would, thinking that I was promoting violence. After a dramatic pause I continued, “by talking it out.” I went on to explain the civilized way to settle differences is not through violence but dialogue. In their shock and awe many of those around stated they had never heard that phrase used like that before. I knew I had changed perceptions, minds and hearts for the better. I am happy to have contributed to a peaceful environment.

Before I became a trustee, there were fights every weekend in that dorm. After my appointment, we had roughly one fight per year in my two and a half years. I have found that by doing our best for ourselves and those around us we can make the world a better place, even while incarcerated.

 

A Love Everlasting

Passing through the realm of thought and action physical beings find a mutual attraction

Ride upon the pinnacle of sensuality, a culmination of geniality and rhapsody

Sense alive, pressed together, two bodies strive
Natural reaction to the spirit of Love inside
Eternity – a moment experienced at the same time

Protean movement, the climax they bring
Sentient emotions, desire and pleasure the well-spring

Souls born to this Earth at the right place and time
A euphoric, carnal connection
Their impassioned essence infinitely entwined

 

For the Sake of Love

If I look deep into those sky blue eyes. I can see the reflection of a dawning sunrise.

A brand new day to replenish our ways. A reprieve from what drew us apart.

The tumultuous road we found ourselves on. Past grievances and hurtful wrongs.

Our salvation knowing each other’s hearts. Find solace in casting aside the frivolous parts.

I go to her now to hold her hand. Fingers interwoven, like soft and lacy silk strands.

Bound together, our eternal true love.
A passionate kiss, two bodies pressed sung.

 

Remember the Night

In the heat of passion, bare skin glowing in the moon lit night.
Cool air and bright stars passing by, lost to the senses out of sight.

Skin soft and warm, supple to the touch. Eyes flash and shine tussles of hair lightly brush.

Every movement in unison and precise. Develop into feelings of mutual device.

Arms wrapped in a tangle of the love you both share.
Happy to use it all up, not a drop to spare.

The efficacious result a memory in time.
Renewed in the heart on a lonely, moon lit night.

 

Riding the Storm

On the shore of a raging sea
My thoughts are only of thee

As the tempest gains its strength
I hope for affection and peace, a love that shall never cease

In its height, crashing waves, high winds
can’t hear a sound
My voice so soft and timid, lost in the din, never found

Churning tides, whirlpool spin, icebergs collide
If only I could know the thoughts and feelings you hide

Boats capsize, lives gone by, breakers 100 feet high
Although you ignore me I still have to try

As the storm subsides, the clouds part, waters calm, the sun shines
Our love everlasting, overcome conflict and adversity all in due time

Arsenio, 60

Stories

Meet Arsenio…

I looked for God in several religious groups but never found Him. So, I cowardly evaded justice by running to Mexico after committing my last crime in 1993.

Arsenio, 61
Incarcerated: 9 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, San Quentin, California

My life’s greatest tragedy

I received my spiritual awakening by accident. I was soul searching because I felt the need to understand why I committed my life crime back in 1990, so I tried something I never tried before and that was to look for God. Every day I was feeling guilt and shame because I could not understand where my destructive behavior was coming from. I looked for God in several religious groups but never found Him. So, I cowardly evaded justice by running to Mexico after committing my last crime in 1993. After a couple months there, I got into a physical altercation because of my Spanglish accent. I was about to move on to another state due to the violent experience I had.

A young friend of mine visiting his family in Mexico  invited me to have dinner with his aunt and grandmother just before I was to depart on my trip. After dinner while helping his aunt pick up the dinner table, she asked what my plans were in life. I responded to move on to another state. She then said there is no need to move away, the person I had the altercation with was her brother, and that he would not look for revenge. She then stated that maybe I needed God in my life. That was a special sign for me. She then invited me to a Christian congregation meeting that weekend.

I attended the Christian meeting and I was so, so happy I did! I was completely devastated emotionally due to all the hurt I had left behind in the states. I was moved by all the Christian love I felt from the brothers. I thought I was in another world. I found out after the meeting that all these loving people were Jehovah’s Witnesses. I am very grateful with our Creator Jehovah God and His son Jesus Christ. Due to His loving organization, support from the brothers, the biblical truth I learned and the Holy Spirit, I never committed a crime ever again. I also was able to let go of all the anger, resentment and low self- esteem I had lived with for so many years. I was baptized as a Jehovah Witness on February 1st, 1996. My young friend’s aunt became my wife three years after I met her. We raised three beautiful children together.

After being on the run for more than twenty years, I was arrested for my crimes pending in the U.S. I am happily paying my debt to society. I am making daily living amends and being of service to my community here at San Quentin Prison. This is the only way to give honor to all my victims, and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life…

Michael, 57

Michael, 57

Stories

humans_michael_202309_sanquentinstateprison_1

Meet Michael…

The car flipped three times. Shawnee asked, “Are you girls ok?” Mika said, “Sami’s not here.” They had to search for her in the dark.

Michael, 57
Incarcerated: 25 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, San Quentin, California

I had a visit from my ex, Shawnee. She brought my kids Mika, 14, Sami, 7 and Stone, 4. Sami jumped into my lap and said, “Daddy, brush my hair, ” she loved me brushing her hair. It was crackling with static from the constant brushing. After the visit, they said they’d be back the next day. The next morning I was awakened, cuffed up and escorted to the program office. Once inside, I sat down. No one said a word. Next, Shawnee was on speaker phone, “I’m sorry, I killed our baby.” My mind refused to comprehend what I’d just heard. A month later, Shawnee came to see me without the kids, she’d brought pictures from the accident that had claimed Sami’s life. In one of the pictures, Shawnee was on her knees looking at her bloody, upturned hands. She told me Sami took her final breath in Shawnee’s arms, next to her, lying in the dirt was my sweet girl Sami. Her soft perfect stomach was ripped open, she had sticks and dirt in her hair. Sami loved me unconditionally, and now she’s gone. They were hurrying home so they could return the next day because Sami was insistent that she wanted to, “See my Daddy.”

Shawnee told me she was driving fast and her phone rang. When she reached for the phone, she heard gravel. She was going off the freeway at 70 mph. Sami had a terrible habit when sleepy, of removing her seat belt. The car flipped three times. Shawnee asked, “Are you girls ok?” Mika said, “Sami’s not here.” They had to search for her in the dark. They’d found her wrecked little body gasping for breath, dirt in her open eyes, and sticks in the beautiful hair I’d just brushed. I was so devastated, I wanted to hurt who’d hurt me! I cut Shawnee to the core with the most vile shameful thing. I was so wrong. Shawnee was no less broken. I’d seen a hurt I’d never seen before. Shawnee died three years later. She died in her sleep from a broken heart. Shawnee was 67 lbs when she passed. Hopefully my story will help someone else in their healing process.

Ramon, 63

Ramon, 63

Stories

Meet Ramon…

The life of a death-row prisoner is harsh, restrictive, isolated, and lonely. So moving out into the mainline environment after 24 years of death row continues to shock and amaze me, most so because I had never been to prison before so I never knew what mainline had to offer.

Ramon, 63
Incarcerated: 27 years
Housed: Donovan Correctional Facility, San Diego, California

The life of a death-row prisoner is harsh, restrictive, isolated, and lonely. So moving out into the mainline environment after 24 years of death row continues to shock and amaze me, most so because I had never been to prison before so I never knew what mainline had to offer. So my experience is vastly more astonishing than someone who’s been in and out of institutions. Tidbits sneak up on me from time to time where I say to myself, “I can’t believe I’m doing this right now.” The decades locked away had conditioned me to not expect certain things and be content with nothing. Now the ice in my heart has started to thaw and sunshine begins to brighten each day. It’s pretty sunny now! I continue to marvel at the vast changes my transfer has provided me, like walking on grass for the first time in decades. I find myself in the dirt with a blossoming ‘garden’ of sorts enjoying touching the grass, soil, and pulling weeds. Who would’ve known? We have specific tables each ethnic group hangs out at, but my table has huge mint plant patches accompanied by a few green onions, bell peppers, jalapeños, flowers, and other random seeds I wanted to see if they would germinate. No other table compares, it’s the talk of the yard. Other inmates stop by to check it out while officers and free-staff make positive comments too. Maybe in my cynical death-row way of thinking someone will be malicious or vindictive and stomp my little garden to oblivion, but I have gotten a great deal of enjoyment and satisfaction creating and nurturing something beautiful and unique that previously never existed. Death row consists only of steel and concrete, and the only dirt available is the dust that accumulates in the cracks of the cement when the wind blows. Now I have four acres of land at my fingertips that helps me pacify my days.

Death row is very punitive and restrictive. I have seen guys written up for ‘dangerous contraband’ for things as harmless as a paper clip, a metal envelope clasp, or a wooden ruler with a metal guide strip. Imagine my disbelief and awe when I’m outside swinging an aluminum bat at a baseball game. How about using a shovel and rake to tend to my garden? Real solid implements forged from sharpened steel. Is this legal? I always felt like I was doing something wrong. I recently worked on a ladder the other day, something a death row person would NEVER be allowed around let alone touch. There’s always some apprehension about handling ‘tools’ around my wrists every time I left the cell.  I haven’t touched a set of cuffs for the last three years. Imagine how liberating that now feels. My existence now is just normal everyday life here without the stress, worry, harassment. I have interactions where some officers and free-staff call me Ramon instead of Inmate Rogers. I am considered more of a human in my new environment treated with a semblance of respect and dignity. I jumped on an electric golf cart the other day to the other side of the yard to deliver supplies and part of me felt like I was making the great escape. Being condemned never in my thoughts would I imagine being able to do these things that I do now. On death row our day is done by noon, we are locked inside the remainder of the day. Someone asked what I was doing in the middle of the yard staring skyward. It had been decades since I saw the night sky, the moon and stars, to smell the night air, to hear the subtle cadence of nocturnal creatures and who would ever tire of the majesty and spectacular hues of those regal sunsets? Nature has its own unique and unmatched awe and beauty but all that has been taken away from the life of a condemned. Words cannot express how amazing and stunning the world is viewed through renewed eyes after being locked away from it for decades. It’s like a whole new world I’ve had the privilege to be invited into. I’m thankful for the invitation back into reality. As this uncertain journey continues my eyes will be opened wider each day, not taking anything for granted.

I’m sure you are aware that me and the other death row inmates who left on the pilot transfer program are still classified as condemned inmates. The amenities, privileges, freedoms, and programs are far superior but we are still death-row inmates just living in a different institution. Many inmates and staff think we will be off death row and no longer condemned, but that’s not true. Technically we are out of San Quentin, but our classification hasn’t changed. 

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