Humans of San Quentin logo
Demiantra, 40

Demiantra, 40

Stories

Meet Demiantra…

Everybody I thought I knew and cared about seemed to take the approach that I died. But, the reality is – last time I checked, I am alive. The pain and suffering that I’ve dealt with throughout my life has shown me I am very much alive.

Incarcerated: 23 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, CA

Memoir: Last Time I Checked, I was Alive, by Demiantra Clay.

I chose this title for my memoir because, going to prison at such a young age, is like everybody I thought I knew and cared about seemed to take the approach that I died. But, the reality is that last time I checked I know I am alive because of the pain and suffering that I’ve dealt with on an ongoing basis through out my life– that pain and suffering is a constant reminder of my existence.

The most impactful sentences in my memoir are in the Chapter, “Fifteen Years Down the Line,” which is the epilog– it’s looking what happened to me, 15 years later as I reflect on what I’ve been through as a youth offender.

The parts that make it pop are these words:

“I had a lot of close calls, near-death experiences, and warning signs, and I failed to take heed of them because I wasn’t as grown as I thought I was. A life sentence in prison is worse than one can imagine.” This was a reality check!

Here’s a part that let me know I can play a positive role model for youngsters come from this part:

“Right now, we’re on lockdown because the bloods and crips keep getting into it. Lockdowns means we’re in the cell 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It’s good to keep a cool celly due to these circumstances. My celly is a young homie from Village Town Compton Piru. His name is Knucklehead; we were celly’s in Tehachapi SHU. He’s short timing; he gets out in months. I do my best to help him get in the required mind state for success when he’s released from prison.”

I would not be in a good place, mentally, if it weren’t for my wife – that acknowledgment is written, like this:

“Woodie aka Woo Tang aka Heart Throb and I are together. Yuppee my sisteren Preachtree’s best friend since like 1991. Yuppee Mrs. LaWanda Clay is my God-given queen, my wife, and this year in March 2014, she moved all the way from East Saint Louis, Illinois, to Chico, California in order to be closer to me. Tnanxxx Bao Bao; you are the best mommee!!

What I learned about myself by writing this book is that I’m very determined as long as I stay focused I can accomplish what I set out to do, no matter how much I struggle or complicated it might be.

Marcus, 25

Marcus, 25

Stories

Meet Marcus…

I’m currently using this time to better myself and put a smile on [my mother’s] face. Even though I am serving a life sentence I continue to break barriers. I refuse to let this prison sentence bring me down.

Incarcerated: 4 years

My mother and I have a bond that’s unbreakable. She’s my best friend. Being able to talk to her about anything has kept our bond and trust on a whole different level. Even though she never actually said it, I know I’m her favorite. As her baby boy and second youngest out of six, she did her best to keep me from following in my brother’s footsteps. Gangbanging was a common disease in my neighborhood and her worst nightmare for me. She did her best to protect and guide me in the right direction by watching me graduate from high school and sending me off to college. But still I ended up making unfortunate mistakes and fell victim to the prison system. I blame no one but myself for my situation. I’m currently using this time to better myself and put a smile on her face. Even though I am serving a life sentence I continue to break barriers. I refuse to let this prison sentence bring me down. Since being incarcerated I’ve completed a number of self help groups and college courses while pursuing an AA degree. I am creating a clothing line while fighting for my freedom, which makes me very proud. Seeing my mother in my clothes, when she comes to visit, reminds me exactly why I wake up everyday!

James, 74

James, 74

Stories

Meet James…

One of my greatest regrets is missing my grandchildren growing up. I was thrilled to be a grandfather, I would have been a great one. I missed it all.

Incarcerated: 15 years

I married my highschool sweetheart in September of 1967. Eight months later I was drafted into the U.S. Army. Two years later I got out and James Jr and Jason were soon born. I worked for the Southern Pacific Railroad for 25 years. When I was arrested in 2007, I had three grandchildren all under the age of five. Sometimes it feels like I’ve been in here for 100 years. With the pay phone I’m able to talk to my sons and grandchildren weekly. I know my grandchildren love me even though they know I’m in prison and why I’m here. I think of my family daily, I miss them terribly. My grandchildren were babies when I came to prison. I really don’t know what it’s like to be a grandfather on the street. I can’t get that time back, it’s gone forever. One of my greatest regrets is missing my grandchildren growing up. I was thrilled to be a grandfather, I would have been a great one. I missed it all. I have lived in a cage like an animal for 15 years. I’ve been treated like an animal for 15 years. It’s been a challenge not to become an animal. I have taken many self-help groups including non-violent communication and Restorative Justice. I’m currently in Guiding Rage Into Power (GRIP). The COVID quarantines have made life in here more difficult. I just want to go home and if they allow me to get out, I can get to know my grandchildren. I’m not a threat to anyone. 📸James would like you to meet his family, especially his grandchildren – Brianna 19, Keeley 18, Jacob 16 and Delaney 12.

Albert, 55

Stories

Meet Albert…

My son died when he was 16. He was playing football and was hit in the head, three days later he died. I was in Salinas Valley State prison at the time, man that was the ugliest feeling in my life. I knew I had to change my lifestyle and I had to start caring about myself and the impact I was having on others.

Incarcerated: 1 year

This is my fifth prison in one year. I started this way of life at the age of nine. My family are all gang members. My dad was a leader of one of the Chicano movements. My step dad was a Texas mobster. Both of them have been in prison and were drug users. My mom had all kinds of boyfriends. I never knew my dad. I just heard a lot about him. Because of my step dad’s reputation, his name was all over the county, that’s how I had a lot of pull. My life was under rules and leaders, when I first came to prison I thought I was all that. Boy I could tell you a lot of stuff but people will take it wrong. Today, I am so so sorry for the way I behaved. I was stupid.  I was a follower. My son died when he was 16. He was playing football and was hit in the head, three days later he died. I was in Salinas Valley State prison at the time, man that was the ugliest feeling in my life. I knew I had to change my lifestyle and I had to start caring about myself and the impact I was having on others. 

Gabriel, 46

Gabriel, 46

Stories

Meet Gabriel…

 I am two semesters away from completing my Bachelors Degree in Communication. A feat I never thought was possible, now it is within reach. Life is what you make it and life is good.

Incarcerated: 22

Housed: Folsom State Prison, California

I was having a conversation with my mother, it had been eight years since I have seen her. I was excited. I was catching her up with my accomplishments. I started college and had completed many classes to help improve myself. I was talking and talking. I noticed she was looking at me strangely. I asked her if everything was okay. She said who are you and what did you do with my son. It was at this moment I realized that my transformation had been extreme. This change is what contributed to me meeting the most wonderful woman, my wife. I am finally in a place where I love myself. I care about my future and this translates to my decision making. I am two semesters away from completing my Bachelors Degree in Communication. A feat I never thought was possible, now it is within reach. Life is what you make it and life is good.

Receive more inspiring stories and news from incarcerated people around the world.