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Jose, 50

Jose, 50

Stories

Meet Jose…

Doing time for crimes that came with gang life and drug use became a way of life. I did find love, but was never able to be loved or show love, due to the lack of knowing love.

Jose, 50
Incarcerated: 28 years
Housed: Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, California

For most of us normality was not normal as we come from broken homes, drug addicted parents, gang infested and crime ridden neighborhoods. I’m in no way justifying my poor choices but sometimes we roll with the hand that was dealt us. I was all in. Home was just a place, there was no family unit or love. My mother ran from my father who was a very bad man to only end up with another man who wasn’t very nice. She was a drug addict and an alcoholic and my step father was a very hard man to please. I found no purpose for life as I turned to the streets for acceptance and purpose.

I joined a gang at 12 and was awarded to the courts by my mother at 14. Doing time for crimes that came with gang life and drug use became a way of life. I did find love, but was never able to be loved or show love, due to the lack of knowing love. I even had two daughters in hopes of becoming a better person, but I was too broken and by then, a full blown drug addicted gang member and an outlaw. I’ve lost so much to living a lie, and running from reality by doping myself up. I’m 28 years into a life sentence for a crime I’m not guilty of. I’m 50 and just now have been three years sober. I have a new hope in life and it is to give back to those I’ve hurt, including myself. And don’t ever give up on whatever your circumstances, the sun will shine. I’d like to thank you! Not many have empathy for those incarcerated for not abiding by rules of society.

Logan, 35

Stories

Meet Logan…

My last relationship blessed me with a boy and girl. Through the years Mariah is the one person who stuck with me.

Logan, 35
Incarcerated: 4 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison

My dad spent time with me on weekends and whenever he could. But I was always closer to my mom. I was a mama’s boy. My oldest daughter Mariah has always been close to my parents. For years I was a single father and my parents helped raise her. She has a good relationship with her stepmother. My father has really gone out of his way to be the father I can’t be while incarcerated. My mother passed away, so my dad is a single father. Being a retired heavy equipment operator he would normally be enjoying his retirement. I feel he has sacrificed his retirement. He has never complained and I know he loves his granddaughter very much. Still, I know it must be challenging even though she’s a good kid. At 16, she is going through a time that can affect the rest of her life. Dad takes her to appointments, buys her things, and everything that comes with supporting a teenager. Not because he feels like he has to, but because he loves her. I’m thankful for the person he is. I look up to him and wish I was half the father he is.

I am also proud of my daughter. She has become a product of her struggles. I admire the way she has dealt so well with the obstacles in her life. She was by my side from the day she was born to the day of my incarceration. She is my “Road Dawg” as some might say. I left her mother when Mariah was two. My last relationship blessed me with a boy and girl. Through the years Mariah is the one person who stuck with me. She was with me at work when she wasn’t with my parents or at school. I learned it takes a village to raise a child. We lived in a very small community. My employer, who was like a second mother to me, people from work, and friends helped me support her by giving her clothes, gifts, and they remembered her birthday. Looking back I admire her ability to make the best with what we had. She never complained or gave me a hard time. If she cried, was upset, or sad I knew it was serious. I always received compliments on how well behaved she was. Being a single father was tiring, but she made it easy. I still carry those precious memories to this day. I am amazed and proud of the young lady she has become. 

Demetrius, 56

Demetrius, 56

Stories

Meet Demetrius…

I’m no saint nor an angel. I want to be around genuine, caring, optimist people. I am just trying to be the best me.

Demetrius, 56
Incarcerated: 31 years
Housed: San Quentin Death Row

I’ve been on death row since 1992. I am currently dealing with the loss of my mom. She died on Valentine’s Day and now my grandmother, she died last week. Life is constantly giving me challenge after challenge, more hurt, more pain, more sorrow. I’m just doing my best to keep hopeful, and not give up on people.

I keep it real just knowing there are caring people out there. I’m no saint nor an angel. I want to be around genuine, caring, optimist people. I am just trying to be the best me. Despite all of life’s ups and downs, I am trying to not drown in pain and loneliness, but to swim in peace, happiness, joy and a positive state of mind spirit. Nothing is promised but physical death, so live and build bridges of friendship and humaneness. 

Rolando, 37

Rolando, 37

Stories

Meet Rolando…

I’m working on furthering my education. I am also in self help groups to better myself and to find my way out of prison.

Rolando, 37
Incarcerated: 18 years
Housed: Valley State Prison, Chowchilla, CA

I’m in prison on a murder charge. I like to stay busy and out of trouble. I love to play soccer and listen to reggae, oldies and rap. My favorite movies: Fast and the Furious, Titanic and Twilight. I like to cut people’s hair.

When I started my time, I didn’t know anything about prison. One day, I was standing next to three people fighting in the yard. When the officer came to separate them, he thought I was fighting too. I told him I had nothing to do with it, I saw a commotion and walked away. He then asked the officer in the tower what he saw, he said I had nothing to do with it. That was one of the scariest incidents I’ve been through. Another time an officer dropped something while talking to a sergeant. I waited for him to finish talking, and told him he had dropped something and that he could get in trouble. He was proud of me, because he said there are not too many people like me. He told me to keep up the good work. I felt proud. I’m working on furthering my education. I am also in self help groups to better myself and to find my way out of prison.

Richard, 67

Richard, 67

Stories

Meet Richard…

I picked up a brand new term the following year of 25 to life for a paper of dope. It seemed like a great injustice at the time, but in hindsight it was only payback for all the crap I got away with.

Richard, 67
Incarcerated: 46 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison

I’m still probably crazier than a s*** house mouse, not from doing drugs mind you, but from doing time…lots and lots of time, because of drugs. As a reoffender I ask, why am I here? Why do I come back? And why can’t I change? And on all accounts I’m responsible for myself. I began my prison term in 1976. Strung out again and again, prison became like a revolving door for me, until 1982 when a wheelbarrow full of armed robberies earned me 37 years. Miraculously, I only had to serve a quarter of that, but I didn’t learn a thing in prison. I picked up a brand new term the following year of 25 to life for a paper of dope. It seemed like a great injustice at the time, but in hindsight it was only payback for all the crap I got away with– including a string of bank robberies across three counties, karma is a real thing! Two decades later, after I weaseled my way out of the system yet again, thoroughly insane and with nobody to give a damn, I got myself shot trying to hold up a McDonalds. So here I am, two thirds of my 67 years incarcerated behind dope. I initially wanted to do myself in, but now I find purpose in passing on knowledge to the younger generation and oldsters too. No matter how much you hate it in here, it will never be enough to keep you out, until you come to hate the things which put you in here in the first place. So long as you harbor an appetite for drugs and criminal activities, you will always return to that stuff and inevitably find yourself in handcuffs all over again. It’s just one big tremendous waste of life, which in all our faiths is considered a gift from our Creator, to be used to glorify Him and love our neighbor. Not pillage, steal and rape him, that is my message. Go with God and you’ll never have to return or hurt anyone again. Until something changes drastically with the sentencing laws in California, such as the repeal of Three Strikes You’re Out, here is where I’ll be until death do us part.

Side note: In the second picture, Richard is sitting with Michael, our Humans of San Quentin Inside Communications Director.

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