Carlos, 38

Meet Carlos…

Carlos, 38
Incarcerated: 16 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, California

Prison has a strength like no other, and it’s not even the guards who enslave us. Everything about prison is designed to break the very essence of a human person. From its mind, to its heart, to its spirit and aspirations. To any notion of having an existence beyond these walls. You arrive broken, shattered by the judicial system that prides itself on its near “perfect” system. And then, you’re left to fend for yourself. All those rules and regulations are but another facade created by the perfect system, to give everyone peace of mind, but they’re just words our governing authorities barely comprehend. So, there you are, in a cell. Trying to figure out what to do and who to trust, while you endure and try to survive what’s taking place in front of you. Time is vital to our existence, yet seconds determine who you’ll be in this walled off society. And just like your society out there, we’re still trying to be heard and dignified, as we’re plagued by injustices. So I thank my loved ones, my Sonni Rose, who reached in and pulled me out of my abyss, you taught me how to love. She gave me strength to overcome my confinement and raise my voice so you guys know that there are human beings in here. And I am, but one of many needing to be recognized as such. So, thank you my beloved, Sonja Dahler. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but I’m grateful I have the chance to thank the people who helped me.

Randy, 29

Randy, 29

Meet Randy…

Randy, 29
Incarcerated: 14 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, California

Better Than Freedom Cake

I made the cake a few years ago. The first time I was at work it was my co-worker’s birthday. The only ingredients we had on hand were a Honey Bun and cookies. I made it from scratch off the top of my head, thinking if this is all we have, maybe this is something we can do. It just came to me to combine the icing, leave the Honey Bun at the center and make a type of dough with the cookies.I made it for him and it ended up being really good. He said it was so good and suggested I should sell it on the tier because people would pay a lot of money for it. So, I made a hustle from it, and it was something I supported myself with for a while because people did love them and they sold for a lot. People would damn near harass me for these things. They always sold out. I started doing special orders for people for their birthdays. I actually became known for these cakes. I had an opportunity last year on my birthdays: on my birthday to make one with my wife. We each made one at the same time, and I walked her through the instructions over the phone. We both ended up making one, she lit the cake and sang happy birthday. We made a whole event out of it. The cakes are not difficult to make, but the first time you make it, it’s going to be a mess. Even the time I walked my wife through making it, it came out sort of messy. The first time it will be a little lopsided and difficult. I’ve taught a few cellies how to make them, and without fail, something always goes wrong. The biggest issue I see, and I’ve experienced myself many times is adding too much water. I try to point out that you can always add more water, but you can’t take it out. If you put too much, it becomes mushy, and the whole cake is ruined. Other than that, it’s just molding it. Some people mold it and it comes out sloppy. Making the cakes themselves is pretty simple once you get the hang of it, but expect the first one to be a fail, and the second one to be the one that comes out right.

Better Than Freedom Cake

Makes 2 servings

Ingredients

30 chocolate sandwich cookies (such as Oreos)

1 Iced Honey Bun

Water 

Instructions

Remove filling from cookies and place in a mixing bowl. Remove the icing from the Honey Bun, add to the cookie filling, and mix until smooth.

Crush the cookies thoroughly by placing them in a storage bag and pounding with a heavy pan, rolling pin or meat pounder. Place the cookies in a separate bowl.

Add water to the crushed cookies, one tablespoon at a time, mixing after each addition. Continue to add water just until the mixture forms a dough that holds together without crumbling. 

Shape the dough into two cakes slightly larger than the Honey Bun. One of the dough cakes should be slightly larger than the other. 

Set the Honey Bun on top of the smaller dough cake, ensuring there is a margin of dough around the edge of the Honey Bun. Drape the larger dough cake over the honey bun and join the edges into the bottom half, pressing together to seal to make one hefty cake. 

Editor’s notes:

  • Iced Honey Buns can be found in the baked snack food aisle of grocery stores. They can also be purchased online.
  • When adding the water to the cookies, do so slowly – you can always add more, but too much water will make the dough too soft.

Terrance, 34

Meet Terrance…

Terrance, 34
Incarcerated: 1 year
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, California

I call my mom everyday to make sure her emotional, mental, and spiritual life are intact. My mother and I have walked through drifts and tribulations together. She has built a strong young man. I look at my mothers pictures almost everyday because we are all we got. I want to be just like her because she is a great mother and grandmother.  I’m so grateful and thankful for my mother. I love her dearly. I have learned that I must go after my goals to make my family proud of me. They would be surprised by my goals of growing old with all my family, getting to a point where I am financially secure, and they would be amazed with my advanced technology projects that I must finish. My goals keep me up and energized, not ever giving up.

Anthony, 57

Meet Anthony…

The best part was seeing how happy my customers were. I really thrived when customers gave me the freedom to do what I thought was best.

Anthony, 57
Incarcerated: 11 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison, California

He brought me this 1990 Corvette. The only good things about it were the motor and the electronics. I spent three months redoing the exterior and interior. The paint job was my favorite part. I love doing custom paint jobs. He wanted a NASCAR-inspired look, so I did some research to avoid trademark issues. He liked it so much that he asked me to sign the car. I took it to a car show in Sacramento and it ended up winning first place. I gave him the trophy. He asked me to do the same design on two other cars. I first started working on cars when I was 12. I enjoy every aspect of it, from fixing transmissions to creating custom paint jobs. For 26 years, I owned my own body shop in Sacramento. I worked almost every day, putting in 16-hour shifts. It was my whole world. The best part was seeing how happy my customers were. I really thrived when customers gave me the freedom to do what I thought was best.

Cars are like life and death to people, so dealing with expensive repairs and delays could be challenging. Sometimes, people would come into my shop and threaten me, but most of them appreciated my work, and I enjoyed working with them. Even when I was in prison in San Diego, some customers would drive all the way from Sacramento to visit me, and we still keep in touch. Some customers even flew to Denver to let my grandmother know I was okay, and that she would be okay too. My grandparents had a big influence on me. They taught me self-confidence and a strong work ethic. They also sparked my interest in Native American spirituality and jewelry. Now, I make Native American jewelry as a creative outlet. Working on cars has been more than just a job for me. It’s been a lifelong passion. I’ve seen how my work can make a difference in people’s lives and create lasting connections. Even behind bars, I continue to pursue my love for cars and hope for a better future.

Clayton, 31

Clayton, 31

Meet Clayton…

I learned to face my past head-on by writing, speaking, and accepting all that happened, I could have done this so years ago and prevented a life sentence.

Clayton, 31
Incarcerated: 6 years
Housed: San Quentin State Prison

As I crunched the paper, twisting it into a cross to place into my dad’s open casket, I never assumed I’d be made fun of for it. The bullies at school made sure to remind me of the open casket legacy which my father left behind after his overdose on heroin. While their dads were at ‘Meet the Parents Day’ all I had to present was a picture of a tombstone. Though their dads were important, I was belittled to live up to the curse my father left behind for me. Whether reality set in or not, one thing I knew for sure, “Like father, like son.” Addiction plagued my father. He passed it on to my siblings, and they passed it on to me. At age 16, my sister told me that by the age of three,  I was exposed to meth’s intoxicating high. Through tears she told me, and through anger I went forward. This admission was all I needed, to dive deeper into my progressing addiction. Years into my life sentence, I realized something. Rather than face the fact that I am resilient, I withered away behind the trauma. The young man who stroked his father’s cold, pale skin one last time.

Now, with nothing but time on my hands to think, I made a huge discovery. I found the source of my anxiety, fear, and discomfort stemming from the traumas of my childhood. Every day we choose, and these choices define our lives. I chose to perpetuate the trauma and the pain I carry, by passing it on to others. Just as I learned to face my past head-on by writing, speaking, and accepting all that happened, I could have done this so years ago and prevented a life sentence. Had I been strong enough back then, I would have spared so many undeserving people from so much suffering. I realize today that I am my father’s son, and my Father is God. Through the transformation which has occurred while walking in the fire, I will be able to reach others still trapped behind the tempest of trauma. To all the people I have harmed over the years, I owe my transformation to you. I will honor your lives everyday, as I continue to learn, grow and change; as I work to leave behind a new legacy on this Earth.

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