Meet Richard…

Never allow anyone to make you less than what you are. That’s the true intent of isolation. It’s to belittle you, demean you, dehumanize you, to make you less a person than what you are.

I’ve been in prison for 25 years for possessing and transporting drugs.  As a result of being labeled a gang member, I spent two decades in solitary confinement at Pelican Bay State Prison.  

In order to be released from the SHU we conducted hunger strikes, which ultimately led us to the courts for relief. In 2014, the federal courts ruled it was cruel and unusual punishment to linger in the hole for being viewed as gang members, thus they ordered us to be released to various main line prisons.

To date, most of the men were released, however through some crafty measures some are still held in very restrictive situations and their fight for justice continues.

After surviving so many years in the hole under every form of human abuse, I am confronted with a battle for my life after contracting COVID, coupled with my underlying heart conditions. It’s not a single day that passes that I don’t think about who will die as a result of negligence, ignorance, or just plain stupidity.

Today we spend our days confined to our cells, allowed one hour a day to shower, use the phone, or pace the concrete yard with the exception of those deemed critical or essential workers.

To me it’s more stressful living under COVID than being in the hole for nearly twenty years, in the hole you adapt, settle in and know what to expect. Living with Covid is unpredictable.

It’s been said when you make your bed, you get to sleep in it, I say not necessarily there’s always options if you so choose. Now after having wasted a good portion of my life on the inside, I truly desire to live whatever life has left for me beyond the walls of imprisonment.

Meet Philippe “Kells”…

One day I want to empower my daughter and help her build a healthy self-esteem. I want her to have the power to love and accept herself.

What are you trying to change about yourself?

I’m trying to change my relationships with women on all levels, as a brother, uncle, cousin, nephew, friend, colleague, future husband & lover.

I recently started reading a lot of books by Bell Hooks and her work truly opened my eyes to patriarchy, male privilege, masculinity and gender inequality but I still have a long way to go.

I feel like I am making great strides, but I will truly never be able to evaluate these rich lessons until they are put into practice. I feel it is important to treat women as equals, each as their own individual and not how they are propagated through media and different environments.

More than I ever have, I am really looking at things in a new bright light. In the past, I thought it was cool to call someone’s daughter, mother, niece, sister – a ho, thot, bitch, slut, tramp, bop, but when someone spoke these words about women in my family, I would go crazy.

What’s the difference, there is no difference.

If it’s not okay for someone to say these things about women in my family, it shouldn’t be okay for me to say that crap to women outside my family.

I have learned from Bell Hooks that regardless of how a woman acts, how she chooses to dress or the way she talks, it does not give me the right to diminish, objectify, manipulate, or abuse her in any way.

By changing my perceptions, beliefs and attitude about women, I am able to see them as individual unique people. I have a couple of women mentors in my life, but

I can’t truly measure my growth without experience, which is hard living in an all male prison. I am open to guidance, knowledge, and mentorship.

Meet Floyd…

A lack of emotional intelligence pathed the way for me to react instead of processing my emotions.

In prison, I’ve learned that I am worthy and capable and it isn’t healthy to compare myself to others.

I cope with incarceration by living for tomorrow and making it better than today. My life’s purpose is to be of service and bring awareness to men about issues surrounding domestic abuse.

I am currently writing a correspondence self-help course for men in prison dealing with growth and change for a non-profit I co-founded, Awareness Into Domestic Abuse, (AIDA).

My plans upon release are to complete my degree in sociology and build AIDA into a state recognized organization. I seek to conduct workshops, seminars and to develop a batterer intervention program. In particular I’d like to work with the youth and design curriculum to be used in prisons and youth facilities.

Meet Richard…

They have shown me what unconditional love and forgiveness look like. They have accepted me for who I am today.

At the age of 18, I drank, drove, and robbed my 19 year old girlfriend of her life. She was a daughter, sister, niece, and friend to so many in our community. Not a day goes by where my heart does not feel the weight of guilt and shame for my actions. 

However, they bear a different kind of weight in my life today. Thanks to the program opportunities here at San Quentin. Prior to the pandemic, I had learned to share my feelings, accept them, and use them as my motivation for staying clean and sober, getting and staying out of prison, giving back to the people I’ve hurt, and not allowing her death to be absolutely in vain. I undeservingly have the rest of my life ahead of me, but I live everyday gratefully in honor of my girlfriend’s life.

I’m also very grateful for my mom, dad, sisters and friends who have supported me in my recovery and rehabilitation.

Everyday in here, especially during the pandemic, I miss them and daydream about being with them when I’m released.

I’m including a picture of me and my niece Serenity from January. It was only our second time together and I have had to watch her grow up through pictures. It is quite depressing to think about, but I’ve made my bed, so now I have to sleep in it. 

Meet Nicola…

By actively participating in self-exploration I’ve learned to hold myself accountable for the harm I have caused my victims, my community, and my family.

In the early summer of 2014, I was transferring to San Quentin after spending four years in the hot Mojave desert. Ironwood State Prison is no fun, it is extremely hot and miserably humid and most importantly very hostile in every way. It’s certainly not a place to rehabilitate a returning citizen.

When I arrived in SQ, I was completely taken back by the sense of liberty from the programming that is available. Honestly, I felt like I had arrived on another planet. The scenery is breathtaking. Mount Tamalpais towers above and the ocean breeze fills the yard.

It took months to acclimate to the weather and culture. My body ached, specifically my knees after being reconstructed three times. In all transparency, it hurt to walk, I now understand why many elderly people live in dry deserts.

Weather wasn’t my only adjustment. Unlike Ironwood, SQ has many volunteers from the surrounding cities that support their robust programming, it was a shocking transition into the diverse culture. Over the next several years, I reached out to the rehabilitative resources and they truly restored my self-worth and self-esteem.

And, I took account of my past self-destructive lifestyle. The most important change was finding so many new friends who supported me at every step.

My SQ mentors, Frank Jernigan and Julie Kane, have been instrumental in my rehabilitation, they are a huge part of my life. They have taught me about friendship, sacrifice and the true essence of love. They helped me realize that our time in this life is finite and inspired me to use what time I have left to do the work of helping others.

I look forward to spending time with them and paying it forward. In July, I was blessed to be found suitable for parole. I am grateful for the opportunities I have learned at the old SQ, I’ll spend the rest of my days working to make a living amends on behalf of those that I’ve caused egregious harm and live with compassion in my heart for both friend and foe.