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Dennis, 39

Dennis, 39

Stories

dennis

Dennis B

Dennis B

“I learned a different way to communicate and worked on becoming the person others could come to for help. The person I always wished I had in my life when I was a boy. I strive to be better.”

Meet Dennis, 

“The baby isn’t breathing.” The baby was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around its little neck and appears to have drowned in amniotic fluid during a very difficult birthing process. He never reaches his mothers arms, instead he is swept away by frantic doctors in an effort to revive him.

The doctor returns to deliver the news “The baby is alive and breathing.”  A moment of relief. “But he was gone too long and his brain was deprived of oxygen for far too long, I’m afraid he will be in a vegetative state for the rest of his life.” Turns out he was wrong. Shortly after, the baby sparked back to life with light in his eyes and developed normally.

He was happy and loved for several years until suddenly the love stopped and he never knew what he did wrong. His father, his superman, began hitting him, administering beatings more and more often. The baby, now a boy, began hating himself as much as he felt everyone else hated him. A cycle of abuse and mischief led him to homelessness in his early teens.

Violence became his language, the way he navigated through life. It became an obsession, then a compulsion, until it progressed to murder at the age of 16 and a life in prison. The boy became a man amidst the prison violence he consumed. Again, violence helped him navigate and even thrive where grown men struggled to survive. He was never lost, because that would imply that he belonged to someone that wanted him back.

The man was sentenced to end his life in solitary confinement. He accepted it for a long time. Eventually, he and many other men in confinement starved themselves in an effort to be released from solitary or die in the process.

With the help of many, he returned to the prison general population, where he sought out every opportunity for education that he was previously denied. Fearful that it would all be taken away again, he learned a different way to communicate and worked on becoming a person others could come to for help: the person he always wished he had in his life when he was a boy.

He strives to be better. I am the baby, the boy and the man and this is my story. 📸Dennis’

Fredrick, 53

Stories

Housed: US Federal Penitentiary, Tucson 

Inmates because of their incarceration, have lost the favor of being a citizen. Many people believe that anyone in prison is the “worst of the worst” and thus deserves any hardships they receive. 

To counter that, you’d have to believe that the US judicial process is perfect: that EVERY person convicted was done so fairly. I ask, do you believe EVERY person sentenced was done fairly? Do you truly believe the judicial system is 100% accurate or merciful? We’ve established that the judicial system isn’t perfect, now are you willing to believe that sometimes people are falsely accused? If even ONE case shows that an inmate was falsely accused, then the belief stands that every inmate deserves to be re-examined. I’m not saying every inmate got robbed of justice; to be sure, many people need to be here. But I’d like you to consider that many times, the courts get it wrong for two basic reasons: one, human error, and two with malice. There’s a common term used in the inmate appeal process called “Ineffective Assistance of Counsel”. What does that mean? Often, especially in federal courts, the accused is assigned a public defender, who is supposed to represent the accused. The problem is that the public defender works for the court, not the accused. That person gets paid whether they win their case or not. Public defenders don’t get a penny more for properly defending the accused. If they have ten clients, none of them paying, do you really think they will spend 30 hours a week on a guy sitting in jail, when he or she has nine other identical cases, NONE of which is going to net them an extra dollar? Public defenders often don’t give their client their best effort, basically going through the motions, leading the accused to take a plea, making their workload easier. The accused gives up on his rights or if they take it to court, gets the minimal help. Only when he gets to prison, after he’s found guilty, does he find out the critical errors his public defender made that could have saved him, or at least reduced his sentence… thus ineffective assistance of counsel. Many guys in prison didn’t get a fair trial, so have a little compassion

Dr. Marez

Dr. Marez

Stories

Meet Dr. Marez, 

“I certainly feel that victims on the other side do not get the support they deserve mentally and financially.”

Dr. Marez was teaching high school when she came across an article about an educator in a prison teaching twelve students with one book in a renovated shower. That story inspired her to teach in prison because she discovered that so many people inside are hungry to learn. Her experience in the military as a Satellite Ops. Engineer working around lots of men taught her that you get a lot further if you don’t ask a man how he feels. You ask him what he thinks.

After two years of working in a prison, she was laid off and went to law enforcement as a Field Deputy Officer. Her prison experience made her a better field officer and she realized that it wasn’t about “trail-m, nail-m, and jail-m”, but that through education she could make a large impact on the community. 

Upon returning to teaching in prison, Dr. Marez now feels like she is in a place where she is making a difference. She believes that education should be a choice, as her “experience is not to force people to learn.” She instead wants education to “catch fire” and spread throughout the prison community. 

Regarding Victim Awareness Advocate’s position that opposes free education in prison, Dr. Marez “certainly [feels] that victims on the other side do not get the support they deserve mentally and financially.” She believes that education is necessary, for they can either learn 25 ways to solve a problem or 25 ways to make a shank. To this end, Dr. Marez believes that an educated society is a civilized society and we should all be working together to create a healthier community.

Donald, 56

Donald, 56

Stories

Meet Donald…

I longed for her to tell me everything would be alright. But it was never alright.
I was seven and playing on the street in front of the Lincoln Hotel, where my mom lived. A car pulled up and a couple got out, looking around, – all official and business-like. The woman waved me over. I remembered her from a couple of months earlier telling my mom she would be back for us. I was filled with fear and ran as fast as I could up the stairs. I was out of breath and crying when I banged on her door. I jumped into her arms and cried mommy she’s back! Temporarily, I felt safe.

Suddenly, all that changed when I found myself being pulled from her arms. When they came and got me, I held onto one of her sweaters. I would hold onto it for dear life and smell it wishing that she was there. I would wrap myself in it as if she was holding me. I could smell her scent which would comfort me and help me sleep. For many nights I held it and cried feeling hurt and alone. I was left wanting to be held and loved and needing my mom to come to take me away from my pain and fear. I longed for her to tell me everything would be alright. But it was never alright. She never came for me. Although she made an appearance from time to time and told me “I love you,” she always left.

My foster mother would eventually throw away my mother’s sweater which had become my security blanket. She told me my mom didn’t love me, which left me feeling lost, alone, hurting, and afraid. There was so much abuse. My brother was able to run away and a social worker moved me to a different family. To this day my brother, sister and I are no longer a family, even when we are under the same roof.

Only God knows my sister’s story and my mom has passed away. As for me, I have spent a lifetime in the system.

Read “Together Beneath the Star Filled Sky”

Gregory, 46

Gregory, 46

Stories

Meet Gregory…

As I look back at the many times in my life where I should have met a certain death, I now know it was Jesus’ love and mercy that saved me from myself.

 I was the fourth and last child to be born to my 19-year-old mother. She had four kids, no education, no resources, and no father figure in our lives, it was rough. I never got to know my biological father, but I now know that he was dealing with mental illnesses and drug abuse. As I grew up, I went through and witnessed numerous mental, physical, and life-threatening abuses and traumas. I now suffer and struggle with PTSD. Fortunately for me I’ve been able to work with many wonderful psychologists who have taught me some great coping skills and techniques to survive. Today my greatest and most powerful ally is my Lord and Savior Jesus The Christ! It’s the relationship that I’ve built with Him that keeps me not only surviving but actually thriving (even while I’m here on Death Row!) As I look back at the many times in my life where I should have met a certain death, I now know it was Jesus’ love and mercy that saved me from myself. I live in His love, mercy, and grace and I try to share these things with everyone I come into contact with. I’ve been blessed with the joy and peace that comes through His Holy Spirit living in me. That’s the greatest gift that I have ever received, and it will only get better when Jesus makes His return. In the meantime, I’ve been staying positive and productive by writing a poetry book and taking a paralegal certification course. I try to grow mentally, physically, and spiritually a little bit every day. I’m still learning and growing, which is what I think is the whole point of life. To all of humanity, I send you LOVE WITHOUT A LIMIT! That’s my motto and creed. If you can be anything in this life – BE KIND! Peace to you always and forever.

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