Cheryl, 53

Cheryl, 53

Meet Cheryl…

Now I’m going to sit back in this dark damp mildewed cell and watch her soar, she will never tire – only fly.

A menace. A failure. A convict. A felon. A loser. That’s what society calls me, but I am determined to be better. I am more than a number.

I am a wife, a mother, a sister, an aunt, and a daughter. I don’t want to languish. I want to flourish. Even in a prison cell I am determined to be part of my daughter’s life. She is an exception of what society says she will be because of me. I am grateful for her forbearance and forgiveness and she will be great in spite of me. I have been incarcerated for four years, which means I missed all of her high school years. I have missed milestones that can never be relieved.

I don’t write this for pity, just sharing my pain. I was just denied parole again. Sometimes I sit in agony because I can never speak to the parole board. They only know me from a file, a folder – I wish they knew me. Texas should really consider allowing offenders to speak with them in person. I feel misrepresented because it’s only what they write.

Parole reform is worth visiting. In the meantime, I will take joy in knowing that my daughter is starting the blueprint of her life. I have watched her grow. Now I’m going to sit back in this dark damp mildewed cell and watch her soar, she will never tire – only fly. While she flies, I am attempting to get rid of regret and work on forgiving myself,  just not sure how to really do it. It sounds simple, but what does forgiving yourself mean? How does it feel? How will I know I have accomplished it? It’s hard in here, and in saying that doesn’t mean I don’t accept responsibility, it’s just a fact – it’s hard! Its lonely, racism is rising, the food is questionable, the shower is hairy, the conversations are shallow, so most days I’m running on spiritual, mental and physical reserves.

However, I will make it through this season of my life and I will rise above the negativity. I often think that all the good I’ve done in my life, I will most be remembered for this – it’s simply life. Fair or not, it’s life.

Jeremy, 44

Jeremy, 44

Meet Jeremy…

It is never where you are from, but all about who you are.

When I first arrived to prison I was amazed at all the negative things that people had to say about their cellmates. It didn’t matter the good, they always highlighted the bad. I saw how much stress and trouble it caused people and I vowed to never become a person who focused on the bad. The universe made it easy for me when I was assigned to a cell with a guy named Cesar. We were polar opposites. I was from the inner-city of Dallas and grew up during the hip-hop generation. Cesar was from a tiny border town in south Texas and barely spoke English. The day I moved in, he jumped off of his bunk and assisted me in hauling my personal property off of the tier. Cesar and I sat and spoke throughout the night. He showed me pictures of his three sisters, his mother and grandmother. He had come from a family stocked with women and he was proud of them all. I showed him a picture of my daughter. For the next two years we would carry on like this and Cesar became more than just a cellmate he became a brother. He taught me about music from Mexico and I taught him about hip-hop. He showed me the two-step and I showed him how to boogie! We were a match made in heaven. Cesar never cooked food without including enough for me, and whenever I washed clothes I would also wash Cesar’s. None of the petty prison politics that separates cellmates came between Cesar and I. We never had an argument and within six months we could complete one another’s sentences. When I hear people in the dayroom complaining about how terrible their cellmate is, I always tell them about Cesar. If he dropped something on the floor, I would just pick it up. If I left my radio playing too loud, Cesar would just turn it down. The day that they moved Cesar out of the cell we both cried. We hugged one another as if he was being deployed to war in a foreign country. His English had gotten better and my spanish was acceptable. Cesar showed me a very important lesson in life: It is never where you are from, but all about who you are. Cesar was a great man, a friend and the best cellmate I ever had in 23 years of incarceration.

Jeremyah, 40

Meet Jeremyah…

Before I was sent to prison, I did not have an education past the 10th grade.

Before I was sent to prison, I did not have an education past the 10th grade. 

I had a kind heart, plus I was book smart, but all I had done with most of my time was lie, steal, cheat and manipulate other individuals; mostly women! I wasn’t always like this; I gave true relationships a hard swing but I would come across lies, cheating, rumors and deceitful ways before making it to third base. Not wanting to get hurt again, I put up a brick wall to protect my heart and never wore my feelings on my sleeves. Even if she was a good girl, I’d find a way to exit the relationship.

I continued this type of behavior all the way to prison, using and abusing women’s minds for self gain! It took me years in the penitentiary to come to the realization that it was me that was broken and hurt; hurt people hurt other people in their lives! So I woke up one day, and said to myself, “I can be a better man if I become a better man!” the first thing I did was ask my Higher Power to forgive me. Next, I put myself in GED classes and got my GED. i was so happy, but something inside of me, [my Higher Power} said “you’re not done”.  I took college carpentry, and received an associates degree. Now I have a major in Carpentry, General study associates degree, cognitive intervention program certificate, a Voyager certificate, and a new outlook on life! I would love to tell all the people that I had done wrong and taken advantage of that I’m truly, truly sorry! But I have to start with myself and become a ture lighthouse so I can shine a light on lost ships that have been out to sea with life’s treacherous storms! Now, I truly know that I’m not broken, I’m just unfinished!

PS: I would like to thank Marcus  [Waco], Dujuan  [ATL] and Isaiah Murphy [twin 44 acres home RIP to your twin brother and mother.]

I would not have written my thoughts down or put them on display so they could pick it apart. I pray that my thoughts, my walk help at least one person get through their past and make better choices for a beautiful future!

“Peace be thy fragrance, redefinement compliments thy walk!”

By: Trouble Mindz

Michael, 40

Meet Michael…

In my fourteen years of incarceration I’ve had two visits.

Incarcerated: 14 years
Housed: Texas Department of Corrections, Daniels Unit, Snyder

In my fourteen years of incarceration I’ve had two visits. The first when I graduated from college and received my bachelor’s degree. The second, a video visit, I got today. The reason for the sparse visits is I’m from out of state. Consequently, though, it’s affected my mental state, and social intelligence. As I say across the screen from my visitor I realized how much I must have aged. For my baby faced cousin had her first signs of crow’s feet. We are the same age.

I was also made aware of how trivial – no, not trivial, surface or superficial – our conversations have been. They can never be seen as trivial because they have sustained me. My awareness came as our conversation moved forward, and we traversed from shallow waters into the deep. My first time calling her, phones for prisoners didn’t exist in Texas when I came to prison, I nearly had a panic attack. Before our video visit that feeling intensified. Mercifully, it subsided quickly after a couple awkward moments. I’m rejuvenated. I had a great visit today. I look forward to the next. 

Richard, 51

Meet Richard…

I write this piece for those incarcerated and to whoever reads this, to not lose hope. Try different avenues in fighting for your freedom. Though I am still incarcerated, the time is soon approaching that I will be reunited with my children and I will be able to go back home to Oregon. Do not ever stop fighting for your freedoms!

The Texas Dept of Justice, made up of District Attorneys across the state of Texas, is one of the most corrupt justice systems in the nation. Where other states are pushing justice reforms, Texas is making it easier to incarcerate its citizens and keep them behind bars.

For example: in my case, I was out of the state and I was accused of a serious crime. The witness stated that I was in Texas at a specific date, time and location, when, in fact, I was in the state of Oregon at a city council meeting. While in Oregon, I learned of the warrant for my arrest in Texas. The sheriff and the members of the city counsel were utterly astonished. To assist me, 19 members of the city council, including the sheriff and the county commissioner, who is an active sitting district court judge, wrote affidavits attesting that I was with them for three hours in the meeting, with no possibility of getting to Texas in less than 30 minutes to commit a crime.

When I went to Texas to answer for the warrant, I found that the court had appointed me with an attorney, without asking me if I needed one. I also found out that the District Attorney changed the indictment papers, removing the specific time, date and location of the crime. The court violated 64 constitutional amendments and 111 rules of the Texas code of criminal procedure to gain the conviction. Additionally, in violation of the Texas constitution, there was no grand jury indictment, thus committing fraud and having no jurisdiction over me in the case. Yet, despite having a hung jury, the judge, instead of declaring a mistrial, threw out the jury’s verdict and found me guilty, giving me 30 years without parole.

During my appeal process, I was appointed an appeal attorney, who would not consult with me. Eventually, the court of appeals denied the appeal and the discretionary review without even reviewing the evidence in the transcripts, accepting the state’s arguments. I filed a civil action against the officers of that court. They illegally convicted me after finding out from my daughter, that my court-reporter, ex-wife, extorted and bribed the judge, the two prosecutors, and my court appointed attorney. My daughter provided me with the proof, which were emails sent through Facebook to and from those involved in the conspiracy. Because I was able to prove conspiracy to a federal district court judge, the judge shut down the defendant’s motions to dismiss. We settled in court, in which I got $1.8 million in compensatory damages, $340,000 in punitive damages, and declarations from the defendants admitting that they were bribed and extorted by my ex-wife, who used the courts as a tool to retaliate against me because my children wanted to live with me in Oregon. The judge I sued also admitted widespread corruption in the courts across Texas.

The judge, prosecutors and court appointed attorneys were slapped on the wrist, and permanently disbarred, even though they clearly admitted their crimes. My ex-wife was arrested and charged with fraud, conspiracy to commit fraud, bribery and extortion of public officials, and felony endangerment of a child.

Today, my children are in the care of their God-mother, anxiously awaiting my release. I supplemented my federal appeal with the new evidence, which was the declarations from those officers of the court, who emphatically declared that I was innocent. Since then, the Texas Attorney General’s office has made several offers to me, in the form of monetary awards, to not sue the state for wrongful prosecution and illegal imprisonment. Truth, they know I’m innocent, yet, there was no offer of my immediate release.

That was three years ago, and I am still waiting for the federal court of appeals to rule on my case for my innocence.  Because of COVID-19, as the court states, they are backlogged with cases because the court didn’t conviene for a long time. So, now it’s a waiting game.

I write this piece for those incarcerated and to whoever reads this, to not lose hope. Try different avenues in fighting for your freedom. Though I am still incarcerated, the time is soon approaching that I will be reunited with my children and I will be able to go back home to Oregon. Do not ever stop fighting for your freedoms!

I apologize for the length. I avoided too many specifics so that those who are incarcerated like me might use what I’ve done to assist them in fighting as I did, thus, keeping the promise of being free one day, alive.

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