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Arthur, 39

Arthur, 39

Stories

Meet Arthur…

…Billy – this is Pit, if you read this I want to thank you. Way back then – you changed my life and I doubt you knew it!

Incarcerated: 19 years
Housed: Massachusetts Correctional Institute, Shirley

I wanted to die. I bought a gram of heroin and planned on going to sleep without waking up. I was in a Florida State Prison and everyone there felt the same. I never knew rest. During the day we kept on point for other cons and at night the guards would get you. I felt like I was living in hell. I lashed out at everyone becoming what prison said I should be.

After violence filled days and years in solitary confinement, I was shipped out of state to the federal system on some “diesel therapy.” New York, Oklahoma, Colorado and a few other stops until I was dumped off at Florida State Prison in Raiford. I stabbed a guy over a debt he didn’t pay, so they stuck me on Death Row, in the ‘disciplinary for violence’ section without being sentenced to die. I waited for the guard to finish count and set up my heroin shot that would drop an elephant; just as I was about to stick the needle in my arm, my neighbor knocked on the bars and asked me for a battery to light a smoke.

I never spoke to this guy before, but after a five-minute conversation, I learned his name was Billy and he was waiting on a death sentence. He had been there twenty years. I asked him why he was still fighting and he said “I refuse to be the state’s entertainment” and told me how the guards would almost throw a party every time one of the Death Row inmates died.

I never told him what I was up to but hearing his story got some wheels turning in my head. I flushed the rig and dope that night and from that point on I worked on myself. I’m doing about as good as someone in my position could. I am in a program to train dogs for other veterans so hopefully they won’t make the same choices I did.

I finally made it to a medium-security prison after eight years in segregation and although I do have a lot of time left I’m hoping that will change. Everything else has!
PS: Oh yeah, Billy. This is Pit, if you read this then I want to thank you. Way back then – you changed my life and I doubt you knew it!

Keiyo, 43

Keiyo, 43

Stories

Keiyo 1

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Keiyo 4

Keiyo 7

Keiyo 6

Keiyo 2

Meet Keiyo…

…Twenty one years in prison has been extremely challenging and difficult. I’ve still been able to achieve a clear and much needed defined view of who I am and what my true purpose in life really is.

Incarcerated: 21 years
Housed: Stafford Creek Corrections Center, Aberdeen, Washington

The best teacher for me has always been experience. I can remember when I was a young boy, I always had to learn things from experience. I guess you could say that I was one of those kids who had to actually touch the fire in order to understand the definition of the word ‘hot’.

Now thinking back on a very unfortunate event that took place over 21 years ago, I’m finally able to forgive myself. I can fully understand the magnitude of my previous state of ignorance. It caused me to be an instrument of hurt and destruction to so many, including myself. As much as I dislike the mere thought of having spent the past 21 years in prison, I can honestly say now, those years haven’t at all been wasted.

They have been extremely challenging and difficult throughout. I’ve been able to achieve a clear and much needed defined view of who I am and my true purpose in life. I understand that none of us are born into a perfect world, but for those of us that were born into and raised in what appeared to be darkness without any signs of guidance or light, we can experience, learn, grow and change for the better. That’s exactly what I’ve done.

Gene, 53

Gene, 53

Stories

Meet Gene…

“I met Steve, who had volunteered for a prison program that paired up victims and assailants as part of a rehabilitation process. Within the short three months that Steve and I conversed, he gave me a new lens to view the world with too, and I will always be grateful for his generosity in helping me understand the difference between independence and interdependent living.”

Incarcerated: 10 years

Housed: Jefferson City Correctional Center, Missouri

Bob Dylan once described the difference between independence and interdependence to his friend Hunter S. Thompson, with the aid of his guitar. He played a G note and said, “with that note, you can set a tone,” then he strummed a G chord, and said, “with those three notes played together, you create harmony.” 

When I met Steve, he had PTSD. Being the victim of a violent crime was the reason got his suffering. Steve’s front teeth were knocked out by the butt of an AK-47, a weapon being used to rob a bank. Steve and his youngest son were there to deposit money the boy had earned delivering papers into a savings account for the boy. 

“I met Steve, who had volunteered for a prison program that paired up victims and assailants as part of a rehabilitation process. Within the short three months that Steve and I conversed, he gave me a new lens to view the world with too, and I will always be grateful for his generosity in helping me understand the difference between independence and interdependent living.”

For the next six years, Steve was a man who felt as if he were standing in quicksand. His life was fueled by the need to maximize the safety net around his family and impose a discipline upon them that he did not understand or find it possible to adhere to. Every day was a struggle to breathe.

One day he came upon a book called “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey that he said altered his dysfunctional life. It gave him a new lens to view the world. He said he had found a foothold that eventually freed him from the psychological trap that he so long been mired in.

That’s about the time I met Steve, who had volunteered for a prison program that paired up victims and assailants as part of a rehabilitation process. Within the short three months that Steve and I conversed, he gave me a new lens to view the world. I will always be grateful for his generosity in helping me understand the difference between independence and interdependent living. As Redd Greene used to say: “We’re all in this together, I’m rooting for ya!”

Read Gene's Poetry
Richard, 48

Richard, 48

Stories

Meet Richard…

“It is vital that we must build trust with the outside world, and that the only way to do so is by sharing our stories, and putting a Human face to those of us who reside in institutions.”

When I was younger I thought I knew about love. In some ways I did. My grandma gave me unconditional love. There was never a day that I didn’t feel it, even while running around like a knucklehead or battling my addictions.

I tried to use my grandmother’s example to guide me. I tried to be patient and understanding. I tried to see everyone as a unique human being. But I failed. Especially when it came to romantic love. The heartbreak that resulted from rejection eroded my confidence. Love was unattainable for me.

After another colossal disaster of a relationship, my life spiraled into pain. I knew what I wanted: someone to love me in the same way I loved – unconditionally. I needed to find out why I hadn’t found it yet. This required a lot of self-reflection. I was having trouble loving others because I didn’t love myself. It was a hard realization to face, but it was my truth.

I spent time refocusing on what I truly wanted and met an amazing woman, Angelina. When she first wrote to me it was about something we were both passionate about: helping others. I jumped at the chance to get involved with her project. I sent her information I thought would be helpful. Our correspondence turned from writing to talking. The nature of her heart was apparent to me. I felt I knew her all my life. And it was the same for her. When she came to visit me, we were both so nervous. I was trying my best to make her feel as comfortable as one can be visiting a prisoner on death row.

Our visit ended with a kiss. Since the first day she wrote, the first day that she accepted my call, the first day that she visited me, Angelina has changed my life for the better. She has been patient and kind. She has been understanding and caring. She has shown me I can be vulnerable and express love how I have always wanted to.

I am grateful for the day that Angelina came into my life. And though we have obstacles, we have done our best to face them together, lovingly, and unconditionally. I look forward to our journey together, everyday, and thank the Creator and the Universe for not letting me give up on love. 

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Gregory, 31

Gregory, 31

Stories

Gregory Ward

Meet Gregory…

“This life we have is short, and poverty of the mind, will make you pass it by.”

Incarcerated: 1 year

Housed: Central Utah Correctional Facility, Gunnison

Music is my passion and craft. I have written music to every magazine, TV and major record label out there, including Ellen, Oprah and Wendy Williams to name a few. I’m trying to reinvent myself and not give up. This life we have is short, and poverty of the mind, will make you pass it by. Please pray for people, all over the world, going through hard times, thank you. 

Scott, 51

Scott, 51

Stories

Scott 1

Meet Scott…

“I have heard stories like this from several men in prison over the years, how great it was and that they have grown close, shared many visiting days together, and built wonderful relationships with their children and grandchildren. This, however, would not be my story.”

Incarcerated: 26 years

I don’t remember how many years ago it was, more than 15 I believe. I received a letter from my sister with a screen shot of a Facebook page. At the top, Taylor wrote “After 15 years I got a letter from him! In his very own handwriting…I cried.” A few minutes later, it set in who this young lady was.

My daughter that I haven’t seen or heard anything about since she was two years old. My attorney said that Taylor had no idea that the man she knew as her dad was not her biological father, that her real dad was serving a life sentence in a California state prison for murder. One day when Taylor was in high school, her dad picked her up from school, took her to a park and told her he wasn’t her biological father.

I asked my sister to please find her and let her know she had another family and they love her. A few years later Taylor came to visit me at San Quentin. She was several months pregnant with her son. I was scared to death but happy at the same time. I had heard stories like this over the years from several men in prison. How great it was and that they grew close, shared many visiting days and built wonderful relationships with their children and grandchildren.

This, however, is not my story. On our first and last visit, Taylor and I didn’t get to talk much. I asked her how she was and she said “Fine” then awkward silence. I tried again, so you probably have a bunch of questions? She said “No.” Again awkward silence. I asked her why she came here.  “I just wanted to see what I was a part of.” For three hours we sat there with my sister and my Dad. I listened to the three of them talk as I sat in silence. I got a hug and a goodbye and never heard from her again. I wrote, sent cards, asked for pictures of my grandson and I’ve heard nothing.

Some stories don’t have happy endings. This is a part of the journey. I am responsible for my own happiness. I do miss her very much. I am sorry I wasn’t there for her. 📸 Scott’s & Peter Mertz

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