My, 40

My, 40

Meet My…

My spirit has been broken, but I haven’t lost my soul – yet.

I have been buried alive for the past 21 years. I have been surviving on swallowing my own tears. Sometimes I choke on my own misery. My spirit has been broken, but I haven’t lost my soul – yet. My pain does not compare to all the sorrows I have caused. So before I expire I wish to apologize for all the suffering I have created and all the grief I brought into the world. I was 19 years old when I was put inside of this man made concrete coffin. I’m serving a Life Without Parole (LWOP) – death by decay sentence. Hello…is there anybody out there?  Can anyone hear me? If not, it’s ok. I’m used to it by now.

Miguel, 28

Miguel, 28

Meet Miguel…

I live a life in recovery and searching my past for clues as to my imprisonment.

I live a life in recovery and searching my past for clues as to my imprisonment. I abstain from trouble and misconduct to truly demonstrate my change. I currently facilitate groups and have published a book titled 25 to Life with a Juvenile Mind in hopes of using my mess for a message. Hopefully my poem will spark conversations about our current structure of punishment and bring reflection.  

Climb

I remember watching Jim Carrey’s – Small Heart at the Grinch in disbelief that a heart could shrink

My childish heart empty of hate, hurt and unbelief, there was always space a vast expanse like the galaxy

Shooting stars when I closed my eyes, showers of dancing colors only brought amazement

Inspiration for astrology or geology to investigate the fossils or meteorites

My mind’s eye like a telescope that made me from earth as a device for searching for proof of something more an extraterrestrial goddess

Over tics and tocs my telescope len was shattered by life’s spark plug obscured like a thousand bat swings to a windshield

The vastness of my heart, the third heaven of possibilities The North Star of my purpose disappears evaporates faded into nothingness, concrete circuit boards from a birds-eye view

Point of View

Buildings are reaching out asking for another chance, reminder to my heart of its yearnings to escape the crowded spaces that confine it

I stare in humility at a grey mixture of different minerals that compose the walls that prevent progress like an undocumented immigrant

I ask my heart and mind, How do I return, cross over? But they didn’t know, referred me to the soul the invisible giant always capable never conquerable always wishing and hoping, never doubting

Climb 

At first I couldn’t grasp it, like a hand with no thumb, then I closed my eyes

I envisioned my former state, my place of infinite possibilities, a hurricane of former memories blew past the sturdy shack of my mind

As I slowly opened, I was floating, flying, gliding as high as the Empire State Building

So I Climb

Every day is hopeful, every word on paper is positive and every memory an ascension.

Patrick “Jimmy,” 36

Patrick “Jimmy,” 36

Meet Jimmy…

I met and got snagged by the woman of my dreams. We made the decision to get married and are awaiting a date from the prison. Two Indians will walk one path for the rest of our days. This is the most amazing and insane thing that has ever happened to me. She makes me want to be better, do better, think, speak and act better. There is no stronger motivator that transcends the ether than that love I have for her. She really is my guiding light.

I was standing there when I heard a beautiful voice say, “Hey – who are your people?”.  I looked down and saw the most beautiful, little Indian women I had ever laid my eyes on. I froze, even though I’m strong, big, bad, long haired, tattooed Indian guy by blood, hunter by nature and ready for the zombie apocalypse. I’m also a humongous nerd who has never known how to talk to girls. She asked me again. I tried to stop staring and told her I was a Kumeyaay from the San Diego tribe. As it turns out, she was from the reservations next to mine. We grew up in the same area, around the same people, went to the same powwows, were even homeless in the same LA area. Damn near everything paralleled us, yet we had never run into each other. All these years and the Creator blessed us with meeting each other now, of all times. We talked for the rest of the powwow, about everything. I brought some of my best bead work to give away, that’s how we thank people who come in to support us. I gave it all to Shandiin, this amazing woman. Over the next couple of years we continued to grow closer. We got into Star Wars. She bought a Star Wars encyclopedia to quiz me on facts and details, which I love. She got approved to visit, and everything blossomed from there. We got in one visit and a couple of powwows and then COVID hit. We got separated by more than space. No more phones or visits, nothing but mail. So we wrote and I made her beaded things. She told me no one had ever made her anything before. The moment I heard those words, my love to flood her with things began. She tells me her entire apartment is filled with them. We grew closer and decided we would be better together than apart. I met and got snagged by the woman of my dreams. We made the decision to get married and are awaiting a date from the prison. Two Indians will walk one path for the rest of our days. This is the most amazing and insane thing that has ever happened to me. She makes me want to be better, do better, think, speak and act better. There is no stronger motivator that transcends the ether than that love I have for her. She really is my guiding light.

Patrick, 56

Patrick, 56

Meet Patrick…

The real story here is not about me, it’s about being aware of how family, community and culture shapes one’s values, beliefs and actions, then how that plays into behavior choices.

I am one of the many incarcerated Humans of San Quentin. I have been in for 37 years for the Second Degree murder of an associate whom I, at another time in my life sold Marijuana with. Six weeks ago, I was found suitable for parole for that crime. Although I am extremely relieved that part of my life can now be redeemed, there is another part of me that grew up here, matured and learned to actually care for others. My heart and personal commitment to the inmate population and community behind these walls as a peer mentor, health educator and facilitator remains genuine, grounded in acceptance and respect. It has become ‘my something’ I am passionate about. I pledge my allegiance to the education of others for the understanding of health and personal well-being, through a self help, self-health style of communication and promotion. In 1998, I graduated from the Infectious Disease Requisite for Peer Health Education in Solano State Prison. For the last 21 years, I have been learning, teaching classes, facilitating and strengthening my knowledge as a peer mentor and health educator. The real story here is not about me, it’s about being aware of how family, community and culture shapes one’s values, beliefs and actions, then how that plays into behavior choices. Being empowered with the information to protect our own health benefits one personally, and extends to the community behind the wall and eventually to society upon one’s release back home. In the Peer Health Education Program our motto is: Your Health Is Your Wealth, regardless of your sexuality, ethnic, racial, cultural or regional background. Developing skills for making healthy choices ranks supreme, and is an important step in becoming aware of others. So yes, parole will be amazing, however this work must continue in our post-pandemic world and I am here to be consciously proactive. Here in San Quentin we lost all of our self-help programs and the sponsors that facilitate those programs. “Peer Health” lost its outside sponsorship, resources and facilitators. I have been able to float the program with the very helpful and dedicated assistance of Diane Kahn and Lt. Sam Robinson. It is my hope to return to SQ as a free outside facilitator and sponsor to reignite its mission after the all clear bell is sounded. Please join me.

Richard, 55

Richard, 55

Meet Richard…

The path to “True Humanity” can be long and very difficult.

Unfortunately, in 2000 I lost a murder trail and was sentenced to Florida’s Death Row. I have served 16.5 years, living in a one man cell with a small fan, 13” color T.V., a desk, and two legal lockers. I had to buy the fan and T.V. While fighting to regain my liberty, God removed my father in 2005, and my mother in  2012. I felt like I was in the bible story of Job! I was not allowed to attend either funeral, and this made their passing that much more devastating, without closure. I went through a period of depression. However, I did not cut myself nor did I take any medication, as God was reshaping my spirit and heart. The path to “True Humanity” can be long and very difficult.

Richard, 51

Meet Richard…

I write this piece for those incarcerated and to whoever reads this, to not lose hope. Try different avenues in fighting for your freedom. Though I am still incarcerated, the time is soon approaching that I will be reunited with my children and I will be able to go back home to Oregon. Do not ever stop fighting for your freedoms!

The Texas Dept of Justice, made up of District Attorneys across the state of Texas, is one of the most corrupt justice systems in the nation. Where other states are pushing justice reforms, Texas is making it easier to incarcerate its citizens and keep them behind bars.

For example: in my case, I was out of the state and I was accused of a serious crime. The witness stated that I was in Texas at a specific date, time and location, when, in fact, I was in the state of Oregon at a city council meeting. While in Oregon, I learned of the warrant for my arrest in Texas. The sheriff and the members of the city counsel were utterly astonished. To assist me, 19 members of the city council, including the sheriff and the county commissioner, who is an active sitting district court judge, wrote affidavits attesting that I was with them for three hours in the meeting, with no possibility of getting to Texas in less than 30 minutes to commit a crime.

When I went to Texas to answer for the warrant, I found that the court had appointed me with an attorney, without asking me if I needed one. I also found out that the District Attorney changed the indictment papers, removing the specific time, date and location of the crime. The court violated 64 constitutional amendments and 111 rules of the Texas code of criminal procedure to gain the conviction. Additionally, in violation of the Texas constitution, there was no grand jury indictment, thus committing fraud and having no jurisdiction over me in the case. Yet, despite having a hung jury, the judge, instead of declaring a mistrial, threw out the jury’s verdict and found me guilty, giving me 30 years without parole.

During my appeal process, I was appointed an appeal attorney, who would not consult with me. Eventually, the court of appeals denied the appeal and the discretionary review without even reviewing the evidence in the transcripts, accepting the state’s arguments. I filed a civil action against the officers of that court. They illegally convicted me after finding out from my daughter, that my court-reporter, ex-wife, extorted and bribed the judge, the two prosecutors, and my court appointed attorney. My daughter provided me with the proof, which were emails sent through Facebook to and from those involved in the conspiracy. Because I was able to prove conspiracy to a federal district court judge, the judge shut down the defendant’s motions to dismiss. We settled in court, in which I got $1.8 million in compensatory damages, $340,000 in punitive damages, and declarations from the defendants admitting that they were bribed and extorted by my ex-wife, who used the courts as a tool to retaliate against me because my children wanted to live with me in Oregon. The judge I sued also admitted widespread corruption in the courts across Texas.

The judge, prosecutors and court appointed attorneys were slapped on the wrist, and permanently disbarred, even though they clearly admitted their crimes. My ex-wife was arrested and charged with fraud, conspiracy to commit fraud, bribery and extortion of public officials, and felony endangerment of a child.

Today, my children are in the care of their God-mother, anxiously awaiting my release. I supplemented my federal appeal with the new evidence, which was the declarations from those officers of the court, who emphatically declared that I was innocent. Since then, the Texas Attorney General’s office has made several offers to me, in the form of monetary awards, to not sue the state for wrongful prosecution and illegal imprisonment. Truth, they know I’m innocent, yet, there was no offer of my immediate release.

That was three years ago, and I am still waiting for the federal court of appeals to rule on my case for my innocence.  Because of COVID-19, as the court states, they are backlogged with cases because the court didn’t conviene for a long time. So, now it’s a waiting game.

I write this piece for those incarcerated and to whoever reads this, to not lose hope. Try different avenues in fighting for your freedom. Though I am still incarcerated, the time is soon approaching that I will be reunited with my children and I will be able to go back home to Oregon. Do not ever stop fighting for your freedoms!

I apologize for the length. I avoided too many specifics so that those who are incarcerated like me might use what I’ve done to assist them in fighting as I did, thus, keeping the promise of being free one day, alive.

Receive more inspiring stories and news from incarcerated people around the world.