Meet Manuel

As I sit here, at thirty five, I find myself putting the pieces together from my shattered childhood.

Since 13, I’ve been in either juvenile hall or prison. My life started in a broken home. I was adopted by my heroin addicted uncle.

I’ve spent thousands of nights, and just as many days, slipping into season after lonely season in my head trying to get my life back together. I am still trying to figure out how I got here, who I truly am, and how to find life’s joy. It overwhelms me at times, and has put more tears in these eyes than you’d imagine.

When you ask yourself such things, it compels you to search your soul. To face every truth, lie, fear and hole within yourself. I’ve been doing so since I was that child, and while it prolonged me with pain it also helps me grow, to be strong and remain human.

I feel I had two choices when given a life sentence at eighteen: I could become numb and heartless and give up hope, or hold onto my humanity and heart and try to be the person people encouraged me to be. Well I chose the latter!

Walking into prison at 18, I could become numb, heartless and give up hope or I could hold onto my humanity and heart and try to be the person people encourage me to be, a good person.

Thankfully, I chose the latter. Although I have lost my way countless times in here, I continue to choose just that, and maybe these words here will help some to see that. I caused more pain than I’ll ever be proud to admit, and plenty of havoc too, but I’ve also spread love on end.

I have done good deeds, and leave laughter in my wake. My intentions are always to put a warm smile on another person’s face. Everyday, I’m trying to be a better person. Despite my past and the malicious wrong doings upon me, that is what I choose. I am worthy of love, capable of so much, just like you.

Yes, my demons haunt me every single day and night! But I overcome them and try to be a good person, which is the only way to be free. I’m just like you. That’s my truth and I thank you very much for listening.

Meet Gerald

My father was murdered when I was seven. I lost my first born son when I was 17. Those were the bigger traumatic events. I had no tools to process any of it, so I became addicted to drugs.

I was full of anger, pain and endless evil intentions. So much so, my eldest sister Tamara refused to communicate with me for more than nine years.

Her words to me at our first of many visits were, “You were so angry all the time and always had an evilness about you, all that was left for me was to turn it over to God.” That was so hard to hear.

For the past eight years we have become very close and truly enjoy being in each other’s presence. I’ve learned that with God, all things are possible. Having my sister in my life since our mother’s passing has given me a new purpose, and she has been able to see my transformation first hand.

I have become a certified project manager through Core Performance Concepts, a sound engineer for several music programs, one of ten people that created a Special Olympics exhibition that raised over $1,500.00. I’ve created banners for several Special Olympics events, been a core team member raising money for several charities, including “The Art Miles Mural Project” in support of UNESCO.

One of my biggest accomplishments is the “Heritage And Pride” mural dedicated to peace and non-violence among children that traveled throughout the world.

My favorite was a mural that was delivered to a nine year old boy, Elijah Ronnie Manuelle (AKA Drax Shadow, WWE) in his hospital bed while he was fighting cancer. It took his life a few months later. He proved to all the incarcerated men who drew and painted pieces of art for him and his family – to “never fear the darkness”.

Currently, I am learning audio and video for the film industry while working on my own film called “Incarcerated Father Dealing with the Death of a Child”.

I would really like my family to know that I’m not the same person or lack of, that I was 16 years ago. 

Today I am a loving, caring and passionate man, who has and will continue to work towards a better life for me and all I come in contact with.

Meet Juan

“Gratitude”

I can’t have you always giving me attitude

When all I have ever done is give you gratitude

I pour it all to you with every letter

And yet you never make me feel better

There’s no point in me writing all these poems

If all you do is cause me problems

Should I hide everything that I feel

That’s probably the best way to heal

Never have I been backed into a corner

Yet my heart won’t let me forget her.

Disappointment is something I don’t wanna embrace

But losing you is something I cannot face.

I need someone that won’t give me attitude

How else do you need me to show you gratitude

I won’t get on my knees, not gonna beg

I would rather shoot myself, lose a leg

Controlling my feelings, that’s what I lack

All I ever get from is talking smack

I need to quit flaunting my devotion

There’s no point to showing you my true emotion

All you cause is for me to break down

Taking me on a wild ride town through town

Gotta stick to my roots before I drown

I’m a Latino. Loud. Proud. And Brown.

Yes we have a little problem with attitude

Especially when all we do is give our gratitude

I don’t care about money, all this cash

All I ask is to not be treated like trash

I want to give you my body. Soul. and heart.

Yet you keep, slowly, tearing me apart.

Love made me blind to your deception

I lost myself, I wasn’t paying attention

There is so much of me I have to discover

I will not allow hate to take over

Love is for my body. For my inner being

Time to open my eyes look what I’m really seeing.

It’s time for me to give the attitude

But I can’t do it, I ain’t a cruel dude

It’s complicated for me -so no

Even when I know what I should do

My Heart is filled with love, not hate

I will stop leaving things up to fate

There’s no way that I’ll always be nice

Treat me with respect or pay the price

I won’t always be the best man

But…I will be the best that I can

I will rise always try to stay above

I will always be filled with a lot of love

Love for those that show me gratitude

Not to those that continue to give me attitude.

Meet Marcus

In a moment of reflection, a time of solitude, I figured it out. All my life I was living a lie, a false sense of identity. Trying to be something that I wasn’t, instead of being someone that God intended for me to be.

Growing up as a youth in an urban community, I was exposed to the pressures of violence on the daily. It triggered a lifetime of struggle and I was left trying to discover my identity.

In the process of losing myself  for a split moment, the very moment that I was able to discover myself. And truly discover the meaning of life and the very existence of it. We as humans question things and often ask “Why me?” But! “Why not you?”

God has given everyone the ability of choice and just because you are born in an environment that is against you, doesn’t mean you have to accept fate. You can change your world if you first change your belief. 

I made the decision to take this path, but it doesn’t mean you have to make the same decisions and follow. God allows us to go through things so that we can be a light to others and share our stories  so that they don’t make the same errors.

Truly our purpose in this life is to be of service to one another. We should join the movement of the world and LOVE and RESPECT one another, while being  a light of LOVE and TRUTH. Just because you are in a pit of despair, doesn’t mean you have to accept fate.

You can always overcome, and that is the most beautiful thing about being human. We are conquerors.